Anyone with me?

A new year's eve to remember...

2012-01-02T06:09:00.000-08:00

I have to lay myself bare somewhere and what better place than my very own haven of peace and warmth.

Something happened to me on the new year's eve and that something has considerably shaken me up. It was a wake up call to say the least.
Well, let's begin from the beginning. I vaguely remember waking up in the morning. I still felt the giddiness which comes from alcohol although I distinctly remember not having drunk too much but then again, I didn't have my medicines for almost 2 days as well.
One moment I was in bed, after talking to a friend over the phone and the next moment I'm in the hospital bed, all covered in blood. My hands, my hair and my clothes, all bloody. Yes, most definitely not a pretty sight to wake up to. I have never been admitted to a hospital before and the yes, I didn't expect my first time admission to be a complete blur in my head. The part which scared me senseless was that I had no recollection of a single thing. That's the part which scared the living daylights out of me. On top of that, my poor friends had to take me to the Hospital. It was not as if I was home and there were grown ups who could take care of me. No sir, just my Paying Guest friends who themselves had never dealt with anything remotely like this. And to top it all, I later on come to know that I had apparently threatened them in my disoriented state. Poor things. Imagine waking up to find your closest friend covered in blood and threatening you! Jesus! I shudder at the very sight I must have made!
But in times like these, I must say, it was a welcome relief to see my father and I can say with 100% conviction that there is simply no place like home and nothing can beat the peace which pervades your soul at the sight of your family members. My dad whisked me away from that hospital where the doctors wanted to stop me for God knows what bullshit reasons and boy oh boy, was I ever thankful that my dad knew how to deal with those clever rats!
All in all, it was a crazy experience, an experience which reminded me not so subtly that I can never take my body for granted, even if it is after a period of 8 years. Our body is our temple and it is our first and foremost duty to protect and cherish it. I thank the Lord for sparing me with just a few stitches here and there but yes, I will never again forget how important my body is and how much love it deserves for the hard work it puts in.

On that note, a VERRRRY HAPPY NEW YEAR MY DEAR FRIENDS. Hope this year brings a lot of joy, lots of learning and a thousand more reasons for you to smile.

God bless you
Love
Deboshree

For you..

2011-08-10T12:34:00.000-07:00

I was searching without a cause,
I was reaching out without a destination,
I was a soul without inspiration,
Then came a day when the sun came shining through,
And the sun was you,
I was seeking and you gave,
I was reaching and you held,
I looked and you stood,
I turned back and you turned back too,
Without you, this life would have been but half lived.

CAGED

2011-04-13T13:14:00.000-07:00

As the days pass by,

She stands still,

Right by her window,

Looking at the world beyond,

Trying to make sense of what she can see,

Trying to understand what she can't,

But life is simpler than she thinks,

The answers are not always meant to be found,

Sometimes it is just about being content with not knowing,

Sometimes.. just sometimes ignorance is bliss,

Sometimes just sometimes the world beyond is better left unknown,

For truth be told,

There is much more to be known about oneself than what lay outside the window.

WAKE UP!

2010-08-30T00:01:00.000-07:00

Life can be extremely challenging at times and sometimes it can bring you down with a thud. A thud much louder than you expected.

I have come to realize a lot of things lately. I realized that I had reached a comfort zone regarding myself as a human being. Oh well, don't we all? We all think that after some time we all know what we really are. But I have found out that this is not the case at all. Sometimes we react in a way we never thought would have been possible to us, sometimes we see things in a way we never thought possible and that is the time to wake up.

It is time for me to wake up. A certain incident in my life has left me with this one thought. I have to find myself again. I have to be with myself. Too often we are too busy trying to make the one's around us happy 'coz their happiness gives us happiness. But what happens when those loved ones stop loving you? What do you do then? You break into a million pieces and it is now time to sit down and see why it happened the way it did. I have realized that I have spend too much time trying to make others happy and when they didn't seem to care either way, I was the one who was dealt a harsh blow. It is time for me to be alone with myself and see what really makes me Deboshree. It's time for me to understand my needs and my dreams instead of worrying about the shattered dreams I built with others.

And sometimes, we need such instances in life to wake us up and do some mental cleaning. It's time for me to make a decision and decide where I want to take my life and what I want to do with it. Rest is all secondary.

I'm wide awake now my friends. I hope you are too.

HOLD ON AND KEEP THE FAITH

2010-08-01T12:45:00.000-07:00

Here I am, sitting in front of the laptop at 1:00 AM in the morning.

I just read a post of my fellow bloggy friend, SEARCHING SOUL, where I found that she is indeed confused with what is happening in her life as of now.

This made me think of my position. I feel that many times life deals with you with a certain blow because you needed it. You needed to learn from it and grow into a better and stronger person. I know that not every mishap can have a positive effect but when we rewind our life, we see that all the things somehow, strangely, fit. Just perfectly fit.

I injured my ankle while dancing, tore a ligament actually and am still on break and now I come to know that both my ankles are actually weak and I have to take a lot more calcium. So was this injury good or bad? It let me know something which could have deteriorated to such an extent where I could not have been able to do anything. But now that I know, I know what steps I have to take to bring things back on track.

On top of that, there is a raging fire inside me, burning with an intensity which grows every passing moment. I will never forget what this small injury has taught me. I have learned how lucky I am to dance and all the thoughts about being conscious in front of others or worrying about other people's opinions, is just a lot of shit. Dance is dance. It is YOU. An expression of your inner self and to do it freely is the biggest gift one can have. So, I for one have realized that and because of this injury, I will go back to dancing with a passion which burns much stronger than before and which has gone much deeper.

Yes, the injury was good. When life comes to such a situation, where you know you may not be able to do something you love, you see what the truth is. You see what matters and what doesn't. You see the truth hidden behind layers of false notions. So when you are given a second chance, you know the true value of what you have. So I thank that someone up there who watches over all of us and has carefully laid down a plan for each of us.

Till then my friends, keep the faith and keep living life to the fullest!

Much love,

Deboshree

2010-07-15T13:59:00.000-07:00

And there she sat, in the cold of the night,

And wept the tears of a lover denied,

But still she waited on that lonely path,

With hope of her lover to come crying back,

And in the starlit night with not another soul in sight,

She finally saw the man she loved,

Yes, that shadow against the pale moonlight was surely his,

That firm tread could only be his,

Those warm brown eyes could only and only be his,

And then came the fulfillment to a heart denied love too long,

And such is the hope for which we lovers shall live.

Just a passing thought...

2010-07-03T12:54:00.000-07:00

When you love someone, it's as if you are hit by this storm where you have no idea where things will go because you yourself can't see the rationale behind it. The heart guides you and before you know, its controlling everything, starting from your thoughts down to every single action.

Have you ever noticed the way we unknowingly or unconsciously try to adjust everything according to our partner's happiness? Have you ever noticed that your loved one has more power to change you than anyone else in the world?

I had come here to give my heart some peace. Sometimes, our heart needs an outlet and I have always felt that writing makes things fall into perspective. I wasn't in a very positive frame of mind when I came here but I certainly feel positive now! Granted that the lows can bring us down, but in the journey of love, as I sit here and think, the pain is nothing compared to the garden of heaven which it gifts us with.

A biiiigg hug to all my bloggy friends and lots of love from my way!!

Have a wonderful day filled with love, life and laughter and if the time is trying, believe me when I say that there is always a reason behind things unfolding the way they do. And in the long run, the reason is always for the best.

Hope

2010-06-14T09:27:00.000-07:00

It's been so long since I last wrote something. Feels like a lifetime. I miss my bloggy friends and more than anything I miss writing!

But today I have to share this something with you. I was feeling really low a while ago. Someone very close to me is going through a very tough phase of life and somehow, his sadness is bringing me down too. You know how it feels when you PERFECTLY understand what the other person is going through and yet there isn't much that you can do other than standing close to that person. For some reason, hope evaded me and believe me, that's happening after quite some time! And then, for the first time I browsed the net for true life inspirational stories. Some of them made me cry, some of them made me smile and some of them made me happy to be alive and well. More than anything, I got the hope I desperately needed. No matter how bad a situation is, there is always a reason behind it and the reason is always such that it makes you stronger as an individual. And in this period I realise the importance of my fellow beings. What am I without the people around me? Seeing miracles around me makes me believe in miracles and because they happen, I want to be the reason to make someone smile just the way someone across the world made me. It's a beautiful feeling, knowing that someone out there is touched by your words and experiences.

So let me share this with you. It is not something big but it gave me the will to fight nonetheless. I have my dance workshop this Sunday and I will be performing two times this time. It will be my first show where I have started my journey as a professional dancer. So, last week, I twisted my ankle and couldn't dance at all. Even walking was sometimes laborious. I went for my classes and sat watching everyone dance. It really pulled me down but guess what, in those moments I realised the beauty and value of the gift I have. I realised how lucky I am to be able to dance and actually express myself the way I want to. This experience made me want to come back with even more zeal than I had before. So I went for my class yesterday with an ankle which hadn't healed fully. But the desire to dance was way stronger, so I decided to give it all I have. But then halfway through the class, someone kicked me in the eye! My contact lens went flying out and I was just super shocked for a moment or two. Yes, I was hurt. Yes, I could have given up. But you know what, that incident made me even more determined to dance. So I danced with one contact lens, an injured ankle and I gave it all I have. By the end of the class, I felt in seventh heaven! I knew that life had tested me and I had done my best. Even though my body was hurting, the pain was sweet. So so sweet. It's the kind of pain you would welcome with open arms 'coz it comes with hard work and determination.

So all my dear friends, all I want to tell you is that hope is never far away. It's just the way we look at it. The moment before you achieve success is the hardest because your patience is tested again and again. But by the very virtue of being a human, all I can say is, the human will can be as strong as we want it to be. If one door closes, it's because a better one is just waiting to be opened! Just because the sun is hidden behind dark clouds, it doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

Have a great day my friends!

Much love,
Deboshree

HERE AND NOW

2010-05-20T09:50:00.000-07:00

I know life is fleeting, so I take what you offer.

I know there is no tomorrow, so I grasp what I have today.

I know love needs no boundaries, so I make none.

I know you will be gone before I know it, so I keep my heart ready for it.

I know you will love me just tonight, so I blot out tomorrow.

I know our love is beautiful, so HERE I AM.

To take and to give, to share and to love, to feel and to see

AND JUST LEAVE THE REST.

And so it begins...

2010-05-04T08:56:00.000-07:00

Oh my!
This post was long overdue!

So people, I have finally started my journey and had my first technique class today.

Yes, dance moves me. Yes, dance makes me Deboshree. Yes, dance IS Deboshree and I so want to give it all I have. I don't just want to dance for myself. I want to reach out and help other people. I want to make a difference and let people see that life can be beautiful if they keep their mind open to possibilities. I want to show them that life is BEAUTIFUL and things can happen the way we want them to happen only if we TRY. The journey of life isn't as hard as many of us make it to be. The walls we build around ourselves are not real. We make them..brick by brick and we give it the name of society. It is so not true. Our life is what WE make it to be.The human will has boundless potential and that is something I have realised with time. So here I am, ready to make the most of it.

The very fact that we are HUMANS is enough to show us that life CAN BE the way we want it to be. And the journey of my life shall be to prove precisely that!

Walk with me!

Much love,
Deboshree

Some things that make me...ME

2010-04-24T03:43:00.000-07:00

Deboshree Roy Chowdhury, 20 years old (wow, when did I get this old?) in her final year of college pursuing dance as a career after a short while. Well, that's me. But somehow, lately, I've been seeing things around me. Seeing that in some way I am different and learning to accept it.

I love my friends and I'll do anything to make them happy. I treat them like family and I NEVER hesitate to show my love no matter what other people might think. Saying goodbye to a friend without a hug is sort of impossible for me.

I'm crazy about love. I think all of this life is but a journey of love where we meet people who change us for life without our even knowing it. Love is what I live for and without it, I'm just not Deboshree anymore. This heart of mine swells with love and sharing it is the only way I know to make sure that my heart doesn't burst open.

I have dreams. Many many dreams. But most of all, I want to make a difference in people's lives. I want them to think of me and smile 'coz I have made them happy in some way or the other. That's all that matters at the end of the day. The joy that ones gets from giving others happiness is incomparable.

I hate lies. I say what I feel and kill me if you want to, but that's the way I am. The truth is the truth. There are no two ways about it.

When I see someone beautiful, be it a stranger or family, I never hesitate to stop that person and tell him/ her exactly how beautiful they are. Who knows, I may have made someone's day! And if I meet someone who is equally beautiful from the inside, I make sure that the person knows about it. Life is too short and not everyone is honest. That much I have seen.

Yes, I believe in past lives. I believe I have come here for a reason and the day that reason ceases to exist, I will cease existing too. I believe that we get what give to the world. The world is nothing but a mirror.

I think people are too keyed up about making good impressions. Shall I let you in on a secret? LET GO!! Life is beautiful and people will love you if you can make them let go too. Freedom is the essence of happiness. Being yourself is the greatest thing!

I am VERY philosophical and sometimes a wee bit too serious. And not all people like that. Not all people think like I do. Not all people THINK as much as I do. But thankfully, there are some who would always listen to me. Thank you for that my dear friends.

I believe that the biggest challenge in life is finding oneself and actually sticking to what you know. It's so easy to forget what you really are and that's sad. I say so 'coz I have been through that myself and I know how it feels. So I always make sure that I am close to myself. Honesty with myself is of utmost importance.

I believe in hope. I believe that we humans have the capacity to face the greatest trials of life and still get up and start walking again. I believe that all of us are connected and if you are reading this, just smile for me. It will make me happy :-)

Just felt like writing my thoughts about myself. Sometimes I have a hard time loving myself and that is another fact I am honest about. But I'm going to change that.

Much love to all my bloggy friends!

Have a great day ahead! ^_^

Deboshree

Sweet torment..

2010-04-20T08:50:00.000-07:00

And in this world I can hold you,

Love you to my heart's content,

Here fear can fade away and simply disappear,

Dance into an oblivion and forget its origin,

For this world is ours,

Ours to cherish and ours to keep,

It is here that you met me,

And it is here where I shall keep you,

In my very own DREAMWORLD,

So farewell my Prince,

Till you come to torment my dreams...once again.

LET GO..

2010-04-12T10:01:00.000-07:00

One part of me yearns for you,

The other shudders at the thought of you coming close,

One part tells me to move on,

While the other one bleeds to death,

There is this conflict raging inside me,

My heart says something else

But my body speaks a different language,

What am I to do?

Ignore one and give in to the other?

But what would that make me?

Just another soul who compromised with her needs,

Just another soul who gave up before the fight started,

Sorry, but I can't give up any one of them,

Forsaking one would mean killing the other,

and that would mean killing myself,

So I've decided to bear the pain now,

and fight for as long as it takes,

I'm better this way and so are you.

My 100th blog post..

2010-04-11T05:56:00.000-07:00

What a journey life is. It's been quite some time since I started blogging and all I can say is that I won't stop. I won't stop this beautiful journey which has given me a chance to meet such lovely people.

Now, let's begin at the beginning.

I came across this newspaper article which said something about blogging being the latest thing to connect people all over the world. At that time, I NEVER thought I myself would be a blogger in a very short while. So I came online and decided to see what this blogging thing was anyway (Yeah, I didn't know a thing about blogging!). I stumbled across a few blogs and just looking at the number of followers had me gaping at them open mouthed!! But as I went on, I saw blogging for what it was and not what I thought it to be. We don't have to be tremendous writers to blog, we don't have to use flowery words to touch someone's heart and reach out. Blogging is all about sharing your thoughts and life experiences and that's what makes it special. Sometimes it's so refreshing to just pen down your thoughts and not worry about what the person might think of them. We are all perfect strangers connected perfectly. JUST in the right way. JUST enough to give eachother hope and faith. I have met people from all over the world and believe me when I say we are NOT that different. All of us have the same heart beating is us, all of us struggle to be where we are, all of us have something to share and a kind word to drop in. All of us are HUMANS and that, in itself, is enough to connect us. It's such a lovely feeling to know that someone living in some other corner of this world thinks about you and cares enough to drop by and in that one moment, we are one. Lovely, isn't it?

Now coming back to me, I have changed quite a lot from what I used to be. I have matured, I have seen new facets of life, I have seen that life is all about hope and most of all..FAITH!

Nothing can come to pass without faith and that is what I hold onto. After a long time I can see what I want of my life. I can see that dance has come to be my number one priority and call me cynical, I think the journey of life can be rather sad at times. People come and go and when they leave you, you are never the same again. But that's life, isn't it? You meet, you walk together for a while and then you carry on with your journey, just left with a feeling of being touched and moved by someone or by something they said.

So now I would like to thank all my bloggy friends who have made me a richer human being. Money is not wealth. Knowledge is. Love is.

Some people who have really made this blogging journey special, a heartfelt thanks to you- Jenean, Nancy, Sol, Kelly, Ron, John, Sharla and Emmi, thank you for being with me through it all ^_^ You guys really mean a lot to me. YOU ARE SPECIAL.

On this note, I shall end my 100th blog post letting all of you know how much you mean to me.

All I can say is, GIVE ME HOPE WHEN I SEE NONE, SHOW ME THE PATH WHEN I GO ASTRAY AND BELIEVE IN ME WHEN I SAY, I'M HERE WITH YOU.

Much love,
Deboshree

THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT THE NIGHT...

2010-04-02T14:47:00.000-07:00

There's something about the night. There's something about this time and hour which makes you feel different somehow. It reaches deep into your soul and brings into light things you've been hiding from all day. Strange how the light of the day shields us and the darkness of the night strips us of all pretences. Ironical. You can't hide when it's night. You can't pretend your problems don't exist 'coz when you're left with yourself, your heart really shows you what you need to see.

While everyone is lost in a world of dreams, here I am, writing my blog and sharing my innermost feelings.

You know, inspite all my inspirational words and thoughts, I sometimes feel that at heart I am NOT so positive after all. I see the negative side to everything and I tend to rationalize things way toooo much! People don't think the way I do. No one THINKS as much as I do. At the end of the day, more than the thoughts, its the action which counts. But then I think to myself, would there be any action in the first place if there were no thoughts to back it? See? I definitely think too much!

Is it me or is this human nature? To want the best but prepare for the worst? I have dreams...so many dreams, so many hopes and expectations from my life. But then there is a side of me which always thinks in terms of what if. What if this doesn't work out? What if that doesn't turn out the way it was supposed to? What if? But I guess that is human nature, isn't it? And then sometimes I feel stifled. Why can't I just believe and leave it at that. Why do I have to think beyond it and think about the times when my belief and faith are going to be shattered? Why? Why can't I just be happy with faith? Why do I need more? What is it? What is it? There is no answer to that. I am talking to myself. I don't know why I need more and I simply can't find the answer to that.

And now the weirdest part of all? I still hope. I still dream. I still want. I still desire. And inspite of all this negativity which stems from a mind which is too analytical, this heart of mine still dominates me. It is my heart through which I think. When I start following the dictats of my mind I tend to complicate things way too much. So I really hope that this heart of mine doesn't get me into serious trouble 'coz where my mind is too rational, my heart is just as emotional!

So is it just me or do all of you out there feel this jumble of feelings? Do all of you feel torn by two sides within you? Let me know for I don't have an answer to this one.

GONE WITH THE WIND..

2010-03-29T02:01:00.000-07:00

I was in the 10th grade when I read this book. Needless to say all of you have already heard of it.

GONE WITH THE WIND written by Margaret Mitchell is by far one of the best books I have EVER read. Written in the backdrop of the American Civil War (1861-1865), the book portrays the journey of a young Southern woman who stands up in this time of crisis and makes a place for herself in the chaos surrounding her. This is a book which shows the truth about war, the large scale destruction and loss of human lives and the gruesome after effects which scar the human soul for all time to come. In the midst of such a world, Scarlett O Hara, born and brought up in the Southern County with all the comforts a human could imagine, is suddenly faced with poverty. How this lovely, self willed and strong woman brings back life to her ruined land of TARA is the main theme of the book. All through this journey, she suffers as a human being who is a victim of unrequitted love. The one man she thought she loved married his cousin Melanie and refused to be with her. Although there are signs of weakness in Ashley's behaviour, he refrains from giving in to her. All through, sweet and kind Melanie loves the selfish Scarlett to death. Such is the irony of life. Scarlett becomes a woman who married only for convenience and not love. She even went on to snatch her sister's man, Frank Kennedy, for procuring the money needed to pay taxes for Tara. All through this ruinous journey, our amused Rhett Butler just watches Scarlett and falls for her with every passing day. No two people could have been more similar than them and no two people could be as ruthless, mercenary and selfish as them. Rhett knew that and loved her for what she was. But stubborn Scarlett could never see the truth even though it was presented to her on a silver platter. Finally when she marries Rhett after 2 marriages, she finds married bliss. But fool that she is, she couldn't see that. Until it was too late. Simply TOO late. By the time she understood how much she loved him, he had reached the very limit of his endurance.
Gone with the wind is one book which will always stand as an epic love story and it is the very ending which makes it epic.
I read the sequel SCARLETT, but it was nothing compared to Gone with the wind. Although Scarlett and Rhett come back together by the end of the second book, I feel that it will always be the first book which will leave an indelible impression on the reader's mind.

I watched the movie a few days ago. 5 years after reading the book. Yeah, I know it's a looong time.
As the movie began and scene after scene unfolded right in front of my eyes, the book became a living thing. Memories came flooding back, familiar but vague feelings swamped me again. Scarlett'O Hara's beauty struck me once again, Melanie's nature touched my heart once again, Ashley's behaviour exasperated me once again and Rhett Butler, he took my heart away..once again.
The book was a journey, a journey which can be parallelled by no other book. But the movie, the movie was an EXPERIENCE. The old world, the lovely charm, the warm cocoon of beauty and soft music.....all gone, never to come back again. All in the name of war.

For all of you who haven't watched the movie, go watch it this very instant! It is an....enriching experience!!

Just an idea...

2010-03-23T12:54:00.000-07:00

My dear bloggy friends, I have contemplated writing a novel for a looong time. But lazy as we are, I have always left things mid-way. This time, I want to change that.
The thing about my writing is that it is purely based on imagination. It's a work of imagination. I'm guided by the pen. I don't guide it. I start with no idea in my head, but after a while, the pen becomes a living thing and tells me what to write.
Here is a excerpt from the story. Do give me an honest opinion for I will take all the criticism constructively and try to improve on it.

" The morning sun rose high in the sky, shining with all its beauty and splendor. The mountains seemed to be its shield, protecting its beauty, guarding and enhancing it at the same time.

There in the midst of all this splendor stood a girl with her head held high and her back straight. Not challenging Nature but respecting it and showing her pride in being a part of this world which was home to her. The wind was strong and her chestnut mane flew all around her oval face but she stood firm on the hill she considered her very own.. Her hazel eyes stood out in her face and her wheatish complexion only seemed to enhance their beauty and strength. The wind grew stronger and automatically her hand flew to her left cheek where the gash of a childhood incident still remained. It covered the whole length of her left cheek and instead of making her look ugly, it stood as the trophy of a warrior. A warrior who had fought from a very young age and had actually lived to tell the story. It was her pride and a constant reminder of who she was.

She looked around and fancied that she could hear every sound around her. She closed her eyes and the let her senses take over. She could hear the mild but insistent flow of the stream below, the constant chirping of the birds all around her, the distant roar of the lions, and voices of her fellow beings in the distance. Their voices were almost like whispers and she knew that they must be chattering away quite loudly to be heard all the way here on this distant mountain.

Situated among the dense forests, Hatua Village was more like a town where everyone knew everyone and the whole place was like a big home. The general air was filled with love and warmth. Courage and honour were the guiding principles of the Hatuan people and that was one of the major reasons which earned them the respect and admiration of people coming from all over. These people produced the best archers whose skill couldn’t be paralleled by any other villager and it was a matter of great pride for them. It was said that every Hatuan child was born with a bow and arrow in hand. It was in their blood.

Brought up in such an atmosphere, Cynthia came to treasure the virtues of courage, honesty and honor. Her will to fight and stand up for her people dominated her personality.

A hatuan man/woman NEVER backed away from his/ her words. Turning away from their word was a betrayal of the worst kind tantamount only to murder. And the punishment for such a betrayal was immediate prosecution. The word of the Chief was final and nothing could change his view once things were decided and the verdict given.

Breaking free of her deep reverie, she once again gazed at the scene in front of her and was once again amazed by the beauty all around her. She had grown up as a child who loved nature and was guided by it. She knew every river, every plant, every stream that flowed through their village. She didn’t treat the land as a dead thing but felt for it and all its creatures. The beauty of nature never failed to move her. There wasn’t a morning when she didn’t wake up without looking forward to seeing the sunrise. This morning was no exception at all.

Then suddenly she opened her eyes……

And she was back again.Alannah once again....."

Memories....

2010-03-18T11:33:00.000-07:00

I gaze at the distant sky and a strange feeling envelops me,

A strong yearning to bring back all that has been,

To relive the moments I took so for granted,

I see fleeting thoughts of a lovely yesterday,

Bittersweet memories of all that has been,

A reluctance to leave behind this haven of warmth and love,

A desire to prolong every minute,

What would you call this?

The END of a life changing experience.

P.S. - This post is dedicated to the end of my college years

Twisted, crazy and oh so human!

2010-03-11T14:24:00.000-08:00

A few truths about human nature. Correct me if I'm wrong for I speak from my experiences and wonder if I am getting too cynical at times-

- One can't be truly happy for someone else till the time that person is secure in his/her own happiness.

- A person who can help others has already helped himself on more than one occasion.

- We feel sad for a friend who stays behind us but at the time it hurts more when the same friend goes ahead and we are the one left standing behind.

- Sometimes, just sometimes this rational mind of ours LOVES to lose control and do something so uncharacteristic that even we ourselves are left shocked! But the truth is, we just need to let go at times!

- We can NEVER do anything in isolation. To bring out the best in us, we need this competition which strengthens our desire to explore our innermost potentials and build upon them. We need each other through success and failure..through it all.

- Life is empty without love (atleast for me) and without our loved ones around us, our soul will be starved of the nourishment it needs. I, for one, feel that all of us need love to thrive.

P.S- Wonder how so many things came to me in one go. But they did and I would like to know what you think about it.

Much love,
Deboshree

DREAMS..CAN MAKE YOU OR BREAK YOU..

2010-03-06T00:25:00.000-08:00

Just yesterday something happened which disturbed me to quite some extent.

The lady who accompanies me to my dance class broke down in front of me and I just didn't know what to say.
What can one say when you're dealing with someone so disillusioned with life? She is 34 and I am 20 and I am sure she has seen more of life than I have but it just sounded so sad.

All her life she compromised on herself. First 'coz of her family and then later for her husband. And what is the end result? She ends up a person who is thoroughly dissatisfied with life and herself. Not only is she dissappointed with life, but is cynical and suspicious about people. She thinks that something bad is always lurking around the corner just to grab her. Lord I tried to tell her not to think this way! I told her that she would be willing ill fortune on herself if she thought that way. But you know what she said? She said that Deboshree, all these words amount to nothing when you have lived a life like me where my parents hated me and called me a good for nothing and then I find a husband who doesn't know the first thing about love.

And I was silenced. What could I say to this woman to make her feel better? Her demons have consumed her and she is bitter now. Can anything be sadder than this? To live a life where every dream, every desire is thwarted even before it can explore its potential. I just hope she finds a reason to follow her dreams again. I never think it's too late. If one wills, things can change and will change. I just hope she finds the much needed inspiration to do that.

I talk to her and I find myself a person who is very idealistic. But what can I do? I am made that way and I would not change it for anyone. Even if I have to face failure, I would rather face it with hope than sit and mope.

One pact I make with myself, right here and now- I won't compromise with myself . I won't settle for second best 'coz if I do, I will not just ruin my life but also of the people around me. I want my life to be guided by inspiration, not compromises. I can be a source of inspiration for others only when I follow my own dreams and make them happen.

So let's follow our dreams and be what we REALLY want to, for without that, we are living nothing but half a life.

The moment I need...

2010-03-03T04:12:00.000-08:00

A moment ago I thought I was fine,

A moment ago I thought life was good,

A moment ago I had my peace of mind,

A moment ago my heart was with me,

A moment ago you were with me.

DREAMS...

2010-02-28T11:59:00.000-08:00

1 am in the morning.

Strange how things start to clear up once you make up your mind.
Things are unfolding..slowly..but clearly, giving me a deeper glimpse of the kind of person I really am.

When I was young, I wanted to be a teacher and when I grew older, I started to love dance. But never did I dream of taking it up professionally. Hell, I didn't even know it's scope until two years ago! But now I know and I realise that I am just not the kind of person who can be happy doing something mechanical. I can NEVER imagine myself in a completely formal atmosphere where people have to be very careful about what they are saying. That just ain't my style. It feels nice to know that the path I have chosen is one which is based solely on expression. Dance is the expression of one's innermost feelings, feelings which might have been left unexpressed had I taken another path in life.

I realise that this period in my life will be the one which will determine much of my future and I'm rather excited to be honest.

At the end of the day, all of us are little children, following our dreams or atleast trying to follow them and making the best of them in a world where everyone is too busy growing up. I, for one, am quite happy saying that I'm about to take up dance because I simply love it and enjoy it. I sincerely hope that the child within me doesn't die in a quest to be the best. If I ever do forget, I hope you (my bloggy friends) will remind me why I started this journey in the first place.

The story of my life is about to reach a crucial stage and I'm glad I'm the author of this story:-)

Touched by an Angel called A

2010-02-26T02:42:00.000-08:00

Yes, this is about you. I know you will read this sooner or later and this is the only way I can say what I feel.
I know you are hurting and believe me when I say, I'm hurting too. But this was the only way to go. I can't even call you my love anymore. You aren't mine anymore to say that.

Know this and keep it in your heart. The way I have loved you I can love no one else. The way YOU have loved me, no one ever will. You have made me whole in a way you will never know.I hope I have made you whole too. You healed this heart of mine and filled it with so much love that I still believe in it. I still believe and I will continue believing. That's the gift you have given me. For life.

You came into my life and changed everything. You were my angel. My love who helped me to become the Deboshree I am today. You were the warmth I needed, you gave me the love my heart desired and gave me more than I ever expected. Yes A, I will NEVER forget you. I will never forget what you have given me. I hope I have loved you enough. I hope you will not lose faith. I hope that you remember what I told you and believe in it, for I meant every word.

We met for a reason and eventhough my heart is bleeding right now, I know that our time together has come to an end. Yes, I am crying. I know you are too but I wish you ALL the happiness life can offer. Touch the sky and be what you have always wanted to be. Do it for me. That's the last thing I ask of you.

I wonder if I'll be able to love again but it doesn't matter anymore. A, you made me believe in myself. You gave me the will to try again and do things in life. I will never forget that. PLEASE don't forget what I have given you. Remember that you are a WONDERFUL man and nothing can change that. Thank you A. Thank you for loving me unconditionally. You will get the best in life. Nothing can change that.

I will always love you. But please move on A. That's what I am trying too. Be happy please.

You were my angel. You touched my heart and I'll never be the same again.

Farewell A.

And I'm back...

2010-02-24T00:18:00.000-08:00

Hello people!!

Did anyone miss me? (Doesn't seem so :P)

Well, I certainly missed blogging and all my bloggy friends!

I had gone to Bombay for a week to meet my man. Going to Bombay has cleared up my mind in a way I never imagined. Things became clearer and finally fell into perspective. Life is sooo unpredictable. One moment we are sooo unsure and the next moment, everything is there for you to see!!

Such is life.

Everytime I meet my partner, it's as if we have to start from scratch. It's long distance and rather trying at times. It's a challenge for us with every passing day but all I can say is that we'll fight. Fight 'coz we love each other too much. It would be easy to give up but ten times harder to live without each other. Wish us the best for the future!

On the other hand, I have finally made a decision. I'm going to be a professional dancer. I may get injured and there is a huge risk in this field, but this is the only field with my heart in it. On top of that, I can always resume my studies later on but every year is precious for me if I choose dance now. I know it's bloody hard, but what the hell? If I love it, I doubt it will seem so hard.

It's taken me a long time to realise what I finally want. But now that I know what it is, I feel sooo relieved!

Lots of love

Deboshree

P.S. I love you

2010-02-12T12:20:00.000-08:00

Now this is coming straight from the heart.
I just watched P.S.- I love you and guess what, it's beautiful!
Not because it has some fairytale ending but because it is just so true! Life ain't easy, but then nothing worth the effort ever is.
We all live and love and it is foolish to say that we won't love again after we lose a loved one. Our heart is too big and we are nothing but a fish out of a pond without love to feed upon.
I'm not doing a very good job of expressing myself here but it's just that I am so moved. Right now, I don't care about my words being beautiful or anything. All I want to do is share what I am feeling. Not everything has to be beautifully expressed. Sometimes it's just beautiful to feel.

One thing is for sure, it is not about being faithful to a memory, but being faithful to the person when he is alive and living next to you.
Just to make the one you love feel special, just so he KNOWS, go ahead this minute and tell that person how much you love him/her! That's sure as hell where I am heading!

P.S.- I love you

P.P.S- Irish men are damn sexy!

FORBIDDEN DREAMS..

2010-02-07T01:28:00.000-08:00

Forbidden though you are,

it doesn't stop me from thinking about you.

Forbidden though you are,

it doesn't stop me from dreaming about you.

Forbidden though you are,

my heart still yearns for you.

Forbidden though you are,

My body cries out for you.

Though I have never seen you,

I know I have known you.

In a way words can't explain,

In a way only the heart understands.

And because you are forbidden,

You are infinitely more sweet than everything attainable.

I know you are not within my reach,

But that doesn't mean I have stopped wanting you.

CHANGING...

2010-02-03T10:01:00.000-08:00

A slight change,

Barely even noticable,

Barely even understandable,

But a change nevertheless,

Her heart is soaring,

Her spirit is rising,

Her passion is burning,

The walls are cracking,

But why is she fighting so hard?

Why is she holding onto something that has to go?

Because this transitory road is not without its obstacles,

The unknown is what scares the soul,

But she can hide no longer,

For the time to wake up has come,

Now before her eyes the walls have smashed,

The passion within has soared uncontrollably,

Consuming her with an intensity too powerful to fight,

Now all she can do is give in,

And become the passion HERSELF,

For she is no longer a child,

BUT A WOMAN FROM WITHIN.

GIVE IT A CHANCE, I SAY....

2010-01-29T05:49:00.000-08:00

Tenderly I say,

It's a gift, not something to be taken for granted,

It's a blessing, not something to be crushed,

It is to be cherished, nurtured,

Let it grow wings of its own,

Let it discover a life of its own,

Let it explore its own potential,

Don't judge it before you give it chance to taste freedom.

26th January- Republic Day celebrations at Pehal!

2010-01-27T22:42:00.000-08:00

Never before did Republic Day hold such meaning for me.

Republic Day celebrated at Pehal (our NGO) was one of the best events ever! The children are amazing and it was lovely to see how happy they were! More than that, it was soo very encouraging to see that all the parents showed up to see their children! It was a heart warming sight to see that all the efforts put in by the volunteers finally paid off.

Pehal is an initiative to educate the children of migrating workers who fail to admit their children to school due to the nature of their work and their limited wages. Our project will come to an end when the construction in this site is finished. But what we hope for is that the parents can see the importance of education for their children before our time with them expires. So let's work for the best and give all we can.

So here is a glimpse of the day that was-

Our chief guest, Uttam sir who has taken the initiative of teaching the children, stands beside the Indian Flag to tell his beloved students what Republic Day stands for.

Republic Day Decorations

The team spirit

Our tiny tots with their parents in the audience

I QUALIFIED....

2010-01-24T09:00:00.000-08:00

Yes, life is strange. Yes, life is unexpected. Yes, it baffles me. Yes, it is testing me at every turn!

Just a few days ago my dance instructor offered me probation once again! I can't describe how it feels when such great dancers tell you that you have it in you. When he asked me to do probation, he didn't have any idea that I was offered probation once before and that experience had been ghastly to say the least. But this time he sat with me and told me he would be there for me. He said he would be my mentor and sincerely wanted me to join probation. I was elated and I wanted to try again. But then the previous experience came to my mind, crowding my already unsure mind and making me fumble. I know I have it in me and just when I decided that I will try again, something else happens.

I saw my TISS result today and guess what, I qualified!! That is by no means the end of it. I have to pass the group discussion AND the personal interview and they are the hardest part. But I had not expected to qualify at all! To be very honest, I hadn't prepared one bit and the test was difficult. Well, I guess something short of a miracle has happened.

But will I feel the same happiness that I feel while I'm dancing? Will I feel alive with EVERY pore of my being? Will I laugh like crazy and let go and just enjoy life? Development studies doesn't seem to make way for anything like that.

Some of my friends have made me understand how important it is to follow my dreams and passions. Only that way can I be happy and successful in life. I sincerely thank them for being there for me.

I know the time is coming, the time I have been waiting for. I can sense the change. I know something life changing is about to take place in a matter of a few months. I just hope my heart knows well enough which path to choose.

Wish me luck people!!

Love
Deboshree

How sure can you be?

2010-01-18T02:14:00.000-08:00

I watched Revolutionary Road ( starring Kate Winslet and Leonardo Dicaprio) day before yesterday and I still can't figure out if I liked the movie or not. It was an eye opener to say the least. It showed the most common mistake man does and then sits down and regrets why he did it all his life.

But it certainly made me think a lot of things. Such thoughts come to all of us but do we really listen to it or chicken out and deceive ourselves?

Brian Weiss had once said that Fate and freewill go hand in hand and that is one thing I have always believed in. Life will give you the opprotunities, it will test your strength at the most inopportune moments and unless you can see it, it will just pass you by and you will not even notice until its too late.

Money, the one thing which blinds us so very completely and thoroughly that many a times we lose touch with what we really wanted to be. And what for? That extre bank balance. I am not saying that life is all hunky dory without a good income. I don't come from a very rich family myself and we have seen quite a few tough times and that has made me realise that although money is a very important something, it can NEVER be everything!

Watching Revolutionary Road, I made a pact with myself. I will NEVER EVER waste my time in a job which doesn't make me happy. Even if it pays like hell. I would much rather do something which doesn't pay so much but makes me whole instead. There is no end to the things money can buy and I know we all need material comforts, but let's be honest with ourselves and see beyond that. There is a beautiful world beyond that, just waiting for us to discover it and making the most of it.

I asked myself a very important question during the movie. I didn't take up the offer of becoming a professional dancer and making it my life. And why is that? It's 'coz I wasn't sure. So tell me, how sure can we be? We are human beings and by nature unstable. Sometimes we are so sure about something and the next time we'll be wondering if what we did was the right thing. So is there actually anything like being totally and completely sure? Maybe I don't know if there is. Help me with this, will you?

So the question is...how sure can we be? I think it is never. Perhaps life is all about taking chances and if it works out, well and good and if it doesn't, we move on, right? So did I do a mistake by not taking up dance simply 'coz I wasn't 100% sure?

How many of you have been completely sure about the life changing decisions you all have taken?

You silly little girl..don't you know there is NO one like you?

2010-01-13T02:27:00.000-08:00

A few days ago when I was in a not so good state of mind, everything seemed to be going wrong and life was nothing but a total mess. I could see myself crumbling to pieces and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Nothing at all. Except ofcourse cry my heart out which I was doing without a break! As I had mentioned in my previous post, the distance was getting unbearble, but staying away altogether proved to be even more unbearable! I couldn't think of living without him. What am I without him? My life is empty without his presence and so I realised after I almost broke up with him! Talk about being an idiot!

So..what do I do when I'm in pieces and have an exam the next day? CALL NEHA! My best friend. She is someone I can always rely on. I know she will be there for me whenever I need her and that's why she is so special. She MAKES time.

Her presence was like a warm blanket in the freezing cold and she was my only shelter in a storm that threatened to engulf me altogether. When I called her saying what happened, she simply came. No questions, no excuses. She just came to me. That's what I call friendship.

She stayed back and helped me study. I can say without a doubt that I would have flunked without her. Things were sorted out between me and my partner and I could finally study, but it was almost evening by then!

Thankfully, both Neha and me are pursuing the same course. Or else lord knows what would have happened. My dearest Neha, tired after giving her own exam that day, slept beside me while I studied. Little did she know how much love I felt for her when I saw her lying there beside me. She is a true friend and I am so very thankful to have her. My fierce, loyal and warm hearted Neha.....she worries that someone else might take her place in my heart. Silly girl. She has no idea what she means to me. Even in high school when I was an impulsive and crazy kid, she was the one who stood by me through it all. Whenever I needed to cry, she would offer her shoulder, whenever I would need reassurance, she would be there to stand by me. She has given me so much love. I just hope that I can be there for her whenever she needs me.

DRIFT...

2010-01-09T08:47:00.000-08:00

It's been two and a half years now. Two and a half years of loving, holding on, fighting, fighting so hard and being thankful at the end of the day. Never did we let things stay sore for too long. Never did we leave a fight unresolved. Never.
But things seem to be changing now. It's as if it's not the same anymore. Something's changed. I don't know what exactly it is but it is happening nevertheless. It's as if we are drifting and it really doesn't make a huge difference.
We are two people living in two different cities who fell in love over the net and have met 3 times in the past two and a half years. Yes, it's hard. Yes, it's been worth and no, I can NEVER ever in a thousand years regret falling in love with him.
He is the one person who changed my life and made me what I am today. I wasn't confident. Not at all. I didn't take chances. I didn't dare to step out of the shell I had created around myself. I didn't UNDERSTAND people as much as I do. Basically, I wasn't who I am right now. He taught me not to be judgemental, he taught me that love doesn't judge, love cares, love nurtures,silently understands and demands nothing but love in return. I have no words to show how thankful I am. He loved me when most people wouldn't even THINK of loving me.

Today when I have changed so much, he tells me..Deboshree, you will fly really high. You will reach great heights and really be someone. And that makes me cry...because when I was a simple nobody with no dreams and ambitions, he taught me to fly and today he makes me feel that I will go ahead of him. Beat that!

The saddest part is that I feel we are drifting and things are about to change and I really can't do anything to change them. Maybe I know we will not last, maybe the distance is getting to me, but whatever it is, it makes me sad. Very sad.

All I can say is that I have loved him with all I am and I still do, but sometimes the distance is just too hard to bear. But I will hold on, I'll hold on till the very last minute if that's what it takes. Let's just hope our patience doesn't wear out. Yes, hope is all that I have at this moment.

A clouded mind..

2010-01-05T09:11:00.000-08:00

And I look at this and think...Sadness is beautiful.

SOMETHING TELLS ME....

2010-01-04T00:19:00.000-08:00

Something tells me things will change,

something tells me there's something round the corner,

standing there silently, waiting for me to arrive,

to show me a path I could never conceive,

I'm walking, walking towards it,

my eyes are bright, my heart is ready,

but my mind is blank,

for as long as I have known myself,

I have seen through the heart.

It's been there for quite some time now and I still can't figure out what it is. But it is there and it's getting stronger. Perhaps I feel so because deep down I WANT something to change. I want my life to take a new turn. I want to see and experience things I never have. Perhaps my dreams are guiding me. Perhaps I just want to fly.

I'm thankful

2009-12-31T00:37:00.000-08:00

Life has changed a lot in the past year and all I can say is that I have grown. I'm thankful to be so alive and have so much love surrounding me. Honestly speaking, I really couldn't ask for more.

My dear bloggy friends, I have learnt so much from you and I'm really thankful to have met all of you. All of you have inspired me in one way or another. It is through blogging that I have realised that we all are essentially one. No matter which country we come from or which religion we follow, all of us are essentially the same. All of us come to this world to share our thoughts and that is what creates a strong bond between us.

Emmi, Ron, John, Nancy, Jenean, Kelly...I'm thankful to have found all of you ^_^. Your love and understanding has added a new dimension to my life.

I wish all of you a verrry Happy New year. The new year will bring its own adventures and challenges. I hope that all of us grow as individuals, with a richer heart and beautiful experiences to share. Through it all, walk with me.

Have a great time!

God bless you
Love
Deboshree

Passing thought...

2009-12-29T10:31:00.000-08:00

Making something out of nothing. That's human potential.

A whole new world.....

2009-12-27T11:22:00.000-08:00

Guess what?
My uncle gifted me a digital camera this week! I wanted one for so long but circumstances were such that it had to wait. I guess luck just kicks in at times.

More than myself or my friends, what I love clicking the most is the things around me. It may be a simple market full of busy people, but there is beauty there too.It's something special to just capture those people who move by without noticing each other. So what do I do? I stand far away. Simply stop for a moment and think about what exactly I see.

What I see is an enormous whole where each person is connected to another and simply incomplete without each other's presence. Even in a busy market, though we may never really pay attention to it, we feel safe when there are people around us. When the crowd begins to thin, it's time to go home. We are so deeply linked in a way and such complete strangers at the same time. Such is the world we live in.

So I chose this day to capture a few shots of our busy market where people from all parts of our city pour in to shop for anything and everything.

And I'll tell you something else. Sometimes, it's simply lovely to be alone and appreciate the world around you. And these sometimes are going to be pretty often 'coz I believe that there is something to capture everywhere we go.

Love
Deboshree

I BELONG...

2009-12-20T09:33:00.000-08:00

A moment out of time, a moment where you can leave all your thoughts behind and just enjoy the company of the ones you love.

That was what 19th of December stood for me. I realised that in any joint initiative what matters most is teamwork and bonding.

A Volunteer moment

Our Christmas Day Celebrations at Pehal (the NGO I work for) was a great success! Yes, it is the children we do all this for, but without the correct guidance and support, none of us would have lasted. None at all. We would just be disillusioned and drift away with time. But that is not possible in this case and why is that? Because of the way our team has come together. The credit for this goes to Prachi, our project co-ordinator. Not only is she a wonderful person with great initiave, but she also knows how to bring people together and make them feel like they belong. That is what she has done for me. Today I feel as though I BELONG to project Aashayein (Hope) and all its other projects and that is mainly because of Prachi's warmth, understanding and encouragement.

The event was a great success right from decorating the room to distributing snacks amongst the children to playing games with them! But the best part was played by SANTA! Our dear fellow volunteer who played the part perfectly!

All I can associate with Project Pehal is the sincere desire to make a difference and taking all the required steps in bridging the gap between what is and what needs to be.

Our dearest Santa at work!

Lastly, I want to thank our dearest Prachi, without whom Project Pehal and Aashayein would have simply hung in the air. Thank you for being with us and making everything special.

Dr. Prachi with her irresistible smile!

The love which pours out....

2009-12-14T12:33:00.000-08:00

Tell me something,

Today I ask all of you a question. Perhaps I'm mistaken somewhere and I sincerely hope you will correct me if I am.

The thing is, whenever I make someone my friend, I have this need inside me which grows day by day and suddenly, it grows so much that it becomes a part of my being. I get this desire to know that person, not merely as an acquaintance but as someone who matters. I get this desire to touch the very depths of that person's heart and be an inseperable part of him/ her.

I am talking about friends here. Friendship goes way beyond the irregular hellos in my case. Friendship means a bond where two people can share anything under the sun, anything that troubles them and anything that makes them happy. Friendship means that you can cry on my shoulder when you are in pain and I can count on you when I am shattered. Friendship means that I will be there for you when you need me, even if it is at some unearthly hour. Friendship means I WILL MAKE TIME for you, I will let you know all my weaknesses and be happy that you know. It means that I give you the power to hurt me or love me, as you please. Friendship is synonymous with love for me. Love has so many forms and friendship is its very foundation.

Do I ask for too much?

Sometimes people ask me..

Why do you want to know that person so badly?
Why do you care so much?
Why can't you be happy with just talking to that person every now and then?
Why do you want to know every side of that person?
Why do you want to be a part of his/ her heart?

Why why why...why indeed?

The only answer I can give to that is that that's the only way I know. Love with everything I have or don't love at all. I don't get this feeling with everybody but when I get it for somebody, its hard for me to let go of things half way.

Is it soo bad to want to be a part of someone's heart? To be there and love that person with all that we are capable of? I don't mean love in the romantic sense. I mean love with all its colours and all its healing powers. The love which reaches out and protects the ones you care for.

Sadly, my love is misunderstood more often than being understood.

So tell me, do I ask for a lot?

SILENT NIGHT..

2009-12-10T12:26:00.000-08:00

The silent night beckons me,

Reaches out and engulfs me in its splendour,

Making my heart ache with wonder and awe,

I ask myself, what lay behind this dreamy richness?

What mysteries does the night hold?

The silence taunts me,

Makes me realise what I've been missing out on,

So what do I do?

I reach out,

I give in,

I let go,

I let my heart take over my mind

I shun all logical thinking,

I let my feelings take over,

I give free reign to the emotions flowing through my body,

Filling my being and washing out everything else,

Oh, but what do I find?

I find a soul freed from all bonds,

I find a soul which dares to walk alone,

I find the soul which makes me what I am,

In the silent night, I find myself.

FOR A SPECIAL SOMEONE

2009-12-07T00:00:00.000-08:00

In the hush of the night, your thoughts haunted me.

I tried, tried so hard not to think of you,

To not feel more than I should,

But feelings, as they are, refused to see reason,

Making it all the more torturous,

It wasn't any consolation that you felt the same way,

It just added to the pain,

added to the pain of knowing, wanting and then denying,

But the road ahead isn't bleak,

For you are warm in my heart as I know I am in yours,

Don't despair,

For this is not the end,

If not now, then another lifetime,

Life will move on and so will you,

You will find a reason to love again,

For I am sure there is someone out there just waiting for you,

It hurts now, but it's the only path we can choose.

This post is dedicated to someone very special in my life. I am thankful to have known him and loved him as a dear one. Life is not always as uncomplicated as we think and sometimes the right path isn't the easiest one to walk on.

All I can say to you is...move on and have a lovely life. At the end of one journey starts a wonderful new journey. Wish you all the happiness in the journey of life.

Where are you pulling me?

2009-12-01T09:34:00.000-08:00

It's getting stronger. Something's pulling me. Harder with every passing day and I can't make any sense of it.

My heart says.....
Can you see??
Do you see what I see??
Can you feel the yearning that is growing inside you?
Can you feel that you want to fly?
But I ask my heart...How do I fly?
I see the roads ahead and I know I want to be there, but how do I get there?

What's happening? Is the desire to be alone becoming stronger with every passing day? Don't know the answer to that.

But one thing is for sure...
I want to explore, I want to travel and now it's just a matter of time of how long I can curb these feelings.

My heart wants to fly, my mind wants to wander, my soul wants to explore. Everything is pulling me towards an unknown destination. My mind is in a fog as I'm sure you can make out from my writing.
Can anybody please tell me what is happening to me, coz I'm certainly making no progress!

DO I DARE?

2009-11-25T12:09:00.000-08:00

Give me a moment for I don't ask for more, to comprehend this world before me,

Sometimes I cower in fear and sometimes I revel in its beauty,

But what is my calling?

My heart is speaking a language different than that of my mind,

There is something nagging inside me,

Pulling me, demanding my attention,

But why do I see darkness everywhere?

The main question is..do I dare?

Do I dare to follow my heart and stand all alone?

The world stands before me,

But I stand staring at it uncomprehendingly,

People move by, push me away,

There is a mad rush you know,

People have to earn a living,

But are they living??

I've grown up to see that money means everything and fame is what people desire,

Am I not normal to want love more than anything else?

Am I not normal for dreaming dreams that are too romantic in nature?

Give me a moment to comprehend where I live,

For what I see makes no sense to me.

But do I dare to stand alone?

Dying and then jolting back with life..!!!!

2009-11-21T06:50:00.000-08:00

For the past few days I could feel an air of gloom setting around me. I could feel myself stagnating. To tell you the truth, it's dance yet again! It's almost been 2 months since my last dance class. I really really miss it. Being away from dance makes me realize how much I need it to be in touch with myself. Dance is my identity and the more I stay away from it, the stronger it hits me.

So to make things better, I just locked the doors and decided to dance those blues away!!

Now I feel ten times better and a helluva lot more alive!

2 more weeks and I'm back to the dance floor!

My freedom awaits me and all I can say to myself at the moment is...BE PATIENT!!

WORKING FOR A BETTER TOMORROW

2009-11-15T06:12:00.000-08:00

I live in a country where the poor people outnumber the rich ones, the urban class is oblivious to the turmoils of the rural class or perhaps prefer to stay in oblivion.
There are thousands of slums in our country with the majority of the children not going to schools. Not because the parents can't afford it but because there aren't enough people to make them UNDERSTAND.

I am a college going student involved in Social Work and a few days ago I actually entered a slum and saw from close quarters what was the living condition of the people who inhabited it. It wasn't a pleasant sight, to say the least. The sewage system was bad and you could see dirty water flowing everywhere, entering the tiny shacks when it rained too much. I looked into one of the houses and it was not more than 6x6 feet. I could see 7-8 people crammed inside. That is the condition they live in. No sewage system along with no hygiene in the area.
I wish I could put up some pictures to give you guys a better understanding of how it was. But I guess that will have to wait.

Along with that, we went to a construction site where migrant labourers lived with their children. Since they have to migrate every few months or years, they never get their children enrolled. That is where we are needed. To teach children who don't even know the meaning of education. But we had encountered a problem in that site. Majority of the labourers were Bengali and were hostile towards us. When one Hindi speaking labourer went on our behalf, they ouright refused, misunderstanding our offer. They thought we would charge them but fortunately, I'm a Bengali too!! After speaking to them and reassuring them that we would charge no money and would come to THEM, they agreed!

And hurray for that!!

We have launched 2 new projects. The project in the slum area has been named ABHILASHA which means WISH DESIRE. In this context it implies the desire to change the present condition of the children and help them in shaping a new tomorrow . The other project in the construction site (which I am really looking forward to) is named PEHAL, which means INITIATIVE in the Indian sense.

The fact is that there is a lot of work to be done and most of it will be hard. But the truth is that there is a solution for everything and I'm not saying this because I'm simply idealistic. We met a teacher who has been teaching the slum children for more than 10 years without any help from any NGO. It was he who told us that things can be difficult but if we have the right attitude and patience, things will happen.

So that is what we are working towards.....TO MAKE THINGS HAPPEN.

For anyone who is interested in reading what we do, please follow this link. It's the link to our first project named AASHAYEIN which means HOPE-

http://aidaashayein.blogspot.com/

I WAITED..I WALKED

2009-11-09T07:30:00.000-08:00

I walked on.....waiting...watching,

For the right time to come,

For the right person to come join me,

I waited..I walked,

The road became blurry,

The shadows haunted me,

Challenged me to go on,

I faltered..thought of giving up,

But something told me not to look back,

Don't give up..the silky voice whispered,

Not after coming such a long way,

So I squared my shoulders and walked on,

Morning came but with no hope,

The road ahead was bleak again,

No sign of life,

No sign of the one I waited for,

But I kept walking,

Never looking back,

Somewhere..at some unearthly hour,

When I had almost given up hope,

YOU stood before me,

You rewarded me for my perseverance,

You loved me for never giving up,

And I loved you back,

Because you made me realise,

That the hardest of journeys is not so hard when you know what you are looking for.

This is what I think...

2009-11-05T08:09:00.000-08:00

"In the sky of hope when the rays
start fading, don't look away. The clouds have just blocked their way, not
stopped them".

Today I want to ask all of you a question-

What is the thought which first comes to your mind when you think of me or my blog? What do you think before visiting my blog?

Something like..oh here comes another oh so philosophical and boring post?..hehe.

There are a few blogs which I regularly follow and I want to tell those people how much they mean to me and how much I love reading their blogs. So here goes-

1) Nancy- There is always a feeling of tremendous warmth whenever I think of you. Your blog gives me an insight into different facets of life and makes me believe that there is hope for everything. Thank you for ALWAYS being there. Your wisdom and honesty has always pulled me towards you.

2) Emmi- What can I say to you love? Whenever I think of you and your blog, the first word that comes to my mind is fighter. You're a fighter with tremendous courage and I love to read your blog. Everything about your blog is straight from the heart. You inspire me and always will.

3) John- Hehe..John. Whenever I think of your blog, the word open comes to my mind. You seem to be a very open hearted and kind person.Your blog invites everyone to join in and share the fun! I look forward to reading your blog because it simply documents the thoughts of a very good person with lovely thoughts.

4) Ron- Whenever there is a new entry in Ron's blog, I simply can't wait to read it! Every entry captures a new journey, a new experience and new emotions. You are a lovely writer Ron. All I can say to you is that you describe your life through a lens, and we are glad that we can share it with you. The only word that comes to my mind when I think of your blog is..amazing, simply amazing!

5) Gypsywoman- When I first stumbled upon your blog, I simply knew I had to follow you. There is something extremely beautiful and intriguing about your blog. Fearless is the word that comes to my mind when I think of your blog, for that is the impression I get from the way you write. Beautiful.

I want to thank all of you for making my blogging experience extremely beautiful and worthwhile.

Lots of love

Deboshree

COME LIVE!

2009-11-01T23:57:00.000-08:00

A moment when life strikes you with the force of a hurricane,

A moment you would want to freeze,

A moment in which your mind, body and soul are in perfect synchronisation,

A moment which won't come back again,

A moment where every pore of your being cries out with the joy of being alive,

A moment..that is all that it is,

A MOMENT OF LIFE.

That is what dance is for me...LIFE.

A NEW CHAPTER BEGINS..

2009-10-30T01:40:00.001-07:00

Lost in a myriad of doubts and questions, we didn't know what to expect or not to.That was the frame of mind we met in. No expectations. Just accepting what came our way.

I don't have enough words to describe how beautiful it was.

I'm so glad that things have worked out for us. It has actually more than worked out!Being in a long distance relationship is not easy but all I can say is that it isn't impossible either! Now that we have a reason to hold on to eachother, nothing can separate us! If he wouldn't have come to meet me this year, I don't think I would have the strength to hold on. So, first of all, I want to thank you for coming to me, my love.

If it weren't for him, I would never realise how much I was missing out in life. If not for him, I would never realise that inspite of the many things I do, the happiness I feel with him pales everything else in comparison. That's the truth...when I am with him, the world pales in comparison. He becomes the centre of my existence, my reason to live, my reason to achieve great things in life. Never have I felt as complete a human being as I do when I am with him.

When he was here, I asked myself a few questions-

What more can I ask when I have the man who loves me for what I am and NEVER judges me?

What more can I want when he loves me unconditionally and demands only love in return?

What more can I want when I know that he lives miles away from me and is faithful only to me?

What more can I want when all that he wants is to make me happy?

What more can I want when the man I love has more faith in me than I have in myself?

The answer is simple....I can ask for NOTHING more for I need nothing more.

Once again, this journey has shown me that nothing is impossible when we have the will to make things work. I shudder to think that I was ever thinking of letting go.

Now that he has gone, there is both happiness and sadness. Happiness because I know we will make it. Sadness...at the prospect of being without him for a long time again. Inspite of the happiness, there is a gaping hole in my life. A hole which only his love can fill.

All I can say to him is...

I will wait for you. I can close my eyes and trust you with everything I have. There is nothing I can hide from you. Everything I feel for you is there for you to see. I give you my heart for I know that you will take care of it at any cost. Even at the cost of you being hurt. I am here to prevent that. I love you with all I have and all I am capable of. Thank you for always having faith in us. Be mine for life. God bless you.

KNOCK KNOCK..LOVE IS FINALLY HERE..

2009-10-21T09:58:00.000-07:00

Dear friends,

My baby is coming to visit me after almost a year and will be here for a week. I won't be active for a week from tomorrow as his train reaches here in the afternoon.

Every meeting is a challenge for us, every meeting holds many possibilities. Doubts are inevitable when your loved one lives so far away, but we haven't let go. It's been more than 2 years and we're still strong. I know the journey ahead won't be easy, but then again what is the meaning of a life without struggle? I don't know what tomorrow holds for us but what I do know is that the journey this far holds one of the most beautiful memories of my life.

Just wish us the best this time.

I leave you (for a very short while) with this parting thought-

Life without love is like dance without music. You
can move on without it, but it will have no
meaning.

Lots of love

Deboshree

PERSEPOLIS

2009-10-18T01:11:00.000-07:00

Persepolis is an autobiographical graphic novel by MARJANE SATRAPI depicating her childhood in Iran during the Revolution. The title is after the historical town called Persepolis.

My friend gave me the book and said it was a great read and after reading the book, I have to say that I agree.

The whole revolution is seen through the eyes of the child who is suddenly forced to change the ways of her life. It is sad yet when we see it from the eyes of a child, all we can see is the bewilderment and frustration at not being allowed to live the way she wants to.

As the book progresses, one can see the different emotions which the child feels. Her strong desire to become a prophet changes completely in the background of the changing political scenario. In its place comes the desire to overthrow the evil shah who was turning their lives upside down. As time passes, the atrocities committed on the people becomes common knowledge. One particular scene was extremely tragic when Satrapi hears that there has been bombing in her area. She comes running home only to find out that her neighbour's building has been bombed. Just when she and her mother were contemplating whether or not their neighbours might be at home, satrapi sees the bracelet which her neighbour (Neda) wears. Before her mother could react, she went to pull that bracelet only to find a hand attached to it under all the ruins. Her scream exploded in my ears too. The fact is that we can only empathize to an extent. The horror that particular incident will always be written on HER mind.

The book is a marvellous description of the tragic events which shook the whole population of Iran. Because the book is through a child's eye, the enormity and significance of those events are both dulled and magnified at the same time.

An amazing book and a must read.

Faith, God and Free Will

2009-10-15T04:25:00.000-07:00

WHEN YOU FIND SOMETHING YOU ARE GOOD AT, YOU FIND A REASON TO LIVE

Many times people have asked me-"Deboshree, do you believe in God?"
I reply-"No, I don't"
"But why??"

And this is how it goes-

I was a firm believer in God but then certain things happened which eroded my faith in Him. I know that everyone goes through trying times and sometimes when people lose faith, they get it back with time. I lost it and never got it back.

I have come to believe in the immense power of our minds and I believe that we are the makers of our own destiny. I don't believe that there is a God who paves the way for us and guides us. What I do believe in though is that there is something known as Universal Justice. What goes around inevitably comes around. I get what I give. If I sin, then I am sure to pay for it. I believe that everything in this Universe happens when it is exactly supposed to happen. Everything happens for a reason. I believe in Karma and most of all, in human will.

I believe that what matters the most is the kind of person you are. It is one thing to be remembered for your wealth and fame but it is something entirely different to be remembered and missed for all the love you gave. I want to be remembered for the latter reason.

Sometimes I used to think that we humans in general are weak and thus we believe in God..that undefinable somebody on whom we can fall back upon. I always felt that we need support and when we are lonely, He is the only one we can rely on. So is there a God for real or is He just a figment of our imagination?

But there is something else I know. The ones who have faith in Him are blessed. Blessed because they know that they are never alone. Wonder how that feels..knowing that you are never alone and there is someone watching over you. I don't have that. But to be honest, I don't feel a great sense of loss.

My grandfather has had a profound impact on me. He never believed in God and that affected me too. I came to look at the world through his eyes. I came to see that we can do whatever we want to. It's not God or Destiny which will lead us. It is we ourselves. There is no one else. Now that he is gone, I realise that his vision is the vision I WANT to have.

I guess I am simply agnostic in nature. My dear friends, I know that most of you believe in God and if anything I said is offensive to you, I apologize beforehand.

My tribute to a great man

2009-10-08T02:06:00.000-07:00

They were a happy family, living well with all they wanted and more. But something changed. The four children lost their mother and their lives turned upside down. Their grandparents came to live with them, bringing along with themselves a whole new set of rules and regulations to be followed by the spoiled children. But then again, they had no idea what was coming.

He came into their lives with the force of a hurricane and with equal force made them change their ways. Pampered children who never knew how NOT to get what they wanted were now facing a whole new world. A world where things were not as rosy as before, a world where one had to THINK before acting instead of acting mindlessly. Was it easy for them? NO. Was it easy for him to be firm with them? NO. But he did it and the children began to change. They learned to see that life is not all about getting what you want but is actually about giving what you can. They understood that self control, discipline and the value of one's words were of utmost importance. It was imprinted in their minds that nothing can be more important than one's principles in life and breaking them is actually insulting yourself and what you stand for. Was it tough for the kids? Yes, very much so. But was it worth it? Yes, definitely yes. It may have been the hard way but in this case it was the best way. The anger would seem nothing in the long run when they would realise how much their grandfather had actually done for them.

Today, I want to thank my grandfather for all he has done for us. Because of him, I am what I am. If I am a strong human being today who understands the value of self respect, discipline and hard work, it is all because of him. He had a will of iron and he has shown us how to live fearlessly. That is how I remember him, a man who lived on his own terms, a man who lived fearlessly. I was young when I lost Mom and after she went away, I developed a kind of phobia. I started think that any health problem I had was an indication of cancer. It was then when I told him about it that he told me...a coward dies a thousand times before his death a valiant dies but once. At that moment I knew what I wanted to be and I have never looked back since then. There are so many things which he taught all of us and I know that without him our character would not have the strength it has now.

He passed away in front of my eyes this Tuesday, but I am not sad. I am happy, happy to see him relieved of the pain he was going through. I am happy because I know that the very moment he passed away, he has started a new life in some corner of this world. He has not left us, he never will. I still feel his presence all around for I know that he will always be watching. I love you Dadu, always have and always will. I won't say goodbye to you. All I can wish is for you to have a happy life.

THE TWILIGHT SAGA.....

2009-10-03T03:58:00.000-07:00

You know how it is sometimes.....

A friend recommends a book very highly and you feel you already know that the book isn't so good but since your friend likes it soooo much, you decide that you must give it a try atleast. Something like that happened to me........

Twilight, by Stephanie Meyer, has been considered as a book for teenagers and so I ASSUMED that it won't be my type. But then two of my friends had gone crazy about it. So I started to think..what the hell can be so special about a love story between a human and a vampire. But I had a bit of free time, so why not read it and find out myself and this is what I found......

There is no end to how beautiful and profound love can be, there are no limits, the only limits are the ones we set ourselves, there is no end to how much we can love somebody and to what lengths we can go to protect them and the Twilight Saga has just shown me all this and much more.

Our imagination, left unexplored for too long starts to rot and dies a silent death, but what about the people who dare to imagine, who dare to explore the inner recesses of their minds, what about them? They are the ones who experience the joy of their minds,the joy of being free, they are the ones who produce brilliant works while the rest of us can only sit and admire. But do you know what the truth is? All of us have it in us. We either don't pay attention to it or simply don't have time.

Twilight is a love story between a Vampire (Edward Cullen) and a normal human being (Isabella Swan). The author has captured the pain, the agony and the beauty of such love. How can a vampire fall in love with a human and not end up killing it? Especially when her blood is exactly the type of blood he has always thirsted for? This is why...

First of all, the Cullen family is different than normal vampires. They choose to live like humans rather than monsters guided by their instincts. They live on animal blood although they have learned self control after centuries of practice and determined efforts. They did kill humans at one point of time, but that changed once they became a part of Carlisle Cullen's family. Carlisle was the head of the family and an amazing doctor to fellow human beings. He was the lone person who chose this way of life. His self control was such that the sight and smell of human blood could not tempt him in the least. He had a choice and he chose to protect humans rather than thinking of them as his food. He was the one who added the rest of the members to the Cullen family, actually he was the one who MADE them. Keep this in mind that he never changed a human being into a vampire if he had the choice. He led a lonely life for centuries and was plagued by loneliness. Could he change someone into a vampire? How would he do it? Was it the right thing to do? He himself was bitten by a vampire and the pain was excruciating, did he have the heart to put someone through the same pain again and what if that person didn't survive? But all these questions were answered in one go when in 1918, Edward (17 years old) was dying of the Spanish Influenza. His father had died and his mother implored Carlisle ,in her death bed ,to save Edward at any cost and he did what he had to. And thus came Edward, the vampire, frozen at the age of 17 years for eternity

Isabella Swan, 17 years of age wanted to leave Arizona to give her mother and his new husband some time alone. So she decided to do the noble thing and that was to simply get away. Even if it meant going to the place she hated the most...Forks ,where her Dad lived, where there was incessant rain, where the sun would rarely make an appearance from behind the dark clouds. That's Isabella Swan for you, the one ready to sacrifice her happiness for the ones she loved.

Little did she know what fate was awaiting her in the small town of Forks. Little did she know that she would fall in love with the boy she met in her school, the boy who always stared at her and kept his distance from her. Little did she know how much pain she was causing Edward.

Edward, torn between his thirst and his love for her, was always fighting. A battle which required tremendous self control and determination on his part. But he did it and so did his family.

The love story between them is a dream come true for every romantic. But it isn't always rosy. There has to be some villain, someone who would want to burst their bubble of happiness and guess who can it be? Vampires ofcourse, vampires who come across the Cullen family and are stunned to find a human among them. And then begins the hunt, the hunt for Bella's blood.

This is what happens in the first book. Although she is relatively safe by end of this book, there are many more threats just waiting for her. The Twilight Saga, ie, New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn are works of a great mind and lovely imagination.

I am sure that at least few of you must have watched the movie. Most of the times, movies don't do justice to the books but believe me, this movie has done a fantastic job. I loved the movie. It was shot beautifully although Bella's (Kristen Stewart) acting needs a bit of work. No one could have fit the role of Edward as beautifully as Robert Pattinson did. He was literally Edward come true. The chemistry between Edward and Bella has done justice to the book. I am anxiously awaiting New Moon's release for I know it will be amazing too.

The Twilight Saga is a journey, a journey which shows what love is and what it can make one do. Love is not just happiness, but a multi faceted emotion which requires tremendous courage and faith.

For the first time I read a book which went beyond the love affair. The author actually takes us on a journey where not many authors can take us, ie, the journey of what happens AFTER the love affair.

I would like to thank Stephanie Meyer for producing such a great work which speaks volumes about her creativity and imagination. This is the type of work which can be produced when one lets their imagination take the front seat and reason the back seat. Hats off to her.

Away too long...

2009-09-28T02:36:00.000-07:00

Hello my dear friends..!!

I've been away too long!

Actually, I've been dying to write a piece on my trip to Rajasthan. The tragedy was that my camera didn't work and I've had to wait for my friends to link me the pictures.

So here goes...

First of all, the trip was lovely. Rajasthan is a lovely place and I'm glad I went. I came to realise that it is rather stupid of me to always want to go to foreign countries when I haven't seen my own country properly! There is sooo much to see, so much beauty to appreciate. We basically went to Udaipur and Mount Abu. 2 days in Udaipur and 1 day in Mount Abu.

The place I was most impressed with in Udaipur was the CITY PALACE built by Maharana Udai Singh.

I was simply lost in its splendour and beauty. The way the kings used to live, the luxury, the beauty and the grandeur with which they celebrated everything simply blew me away. The views were so breathtaking that my friends had to actually drag me away. I have never travelled much and I know I would simply love to. I tried to make the most of every single moment and I guess that is one of the reasons why I loved these places so much.

Apart from many other tourist attractions, one which will always be imprinted in my memory is the Sunset Point in Mount Abu. I was amazed by the number of people who came to see it. Most of them were locals and it was lovely to see how nature pulled all of us together. It was as if all of us were joined together with something common and the moment the sun set, there were people hooting from every direction! Cries of joy could be heard everywhere and it was hard for us NOT to join in. So what the heck..!! We hooted too!

All in all, it was a wonderful trip and I will always carry the memories in my heart.

Wish me a happy journey

2009-09-16T23:04:00.001-07:00

Hello there dear friends,
I'll be off for my college trip today at around 5:00 pm. We are going to MOUNT ABU and UDAIPUR in Rajasthan. I'll be back on 23rd at around 6:00 am.
I'll see you guys then and tell you all about my trip.

Love to all
See you soon

Time for the leap...

2009-09-12T06:58:00.000-07:00

Before I start this post, I would like to thank all those who understood me and actually made me see a different perspective of things. By the way, my grandfather came back that very evening. It was nothing serious, just a stomach infection, for which I am thankful.

Now...

Time is passing by and soon I will be finishing my college. Just a few more months and then comes the great leap. Once again starts the mad race of getting in in some good institute along with getting the course you wanted in the first place..hehe..that's rather difficult but not impossible. I mainly want to do my post graduation in International Relations but along with that I will also apply for Development Studies and Counselling. Somehow I know I will be great in Counselling. So let's see what it shall be. Time is passing by and so are the precious moments in college with my friends. After this final year no one knows where they will land up, so suddenly it seems that we friends have hardly spend any quality time together. It's as if there is no end to such leaps in life. From school to college, from college to university, from university to job, from job to marriage and so on..the cycle never ends right? But I guess that is how we evolve as human beings. Otherwise we would stagnate right?

Here is a picture of my college and I think it is positively beautiful. It's worth seeing when all the flowers are in full bloom.

I will miss my college like anything! It has given me so much. My college has been the healing experience I desperately needed. It has given me the confidence and faith which was eroded, the friends who have loved me and understood me against all odds, the opporunities which have made me what I am today and much more.
I will miss these college days....when all we have to worry about is grades and pocket money..hehe..I know that soon life will be much more complicated and will demand a lot more from me. But what the heck? That's life right? And I'm loving every moment of it.
So three cheers for IP college for Women..proud to be a part of it!

Now is this selfish or is this selfish?

2009-09-08T04:29:00.000-07:00

Has anyone ever felt that love makes one selfish? Instead of all the lovely words associated with love I would like to use this word for once.

How does love make one selfish? When we love somebody, we want that person to spend as much time as possible with us. Why? Because it makes US happy, because WE want that person, WE need that person. Obviously its a two way thing with giving and receiving but in a way I find it selfish. Now you must be thinking why suddenly I'm thinking of love this way..well there is a verrrryy strong reason.

You know what I did...Yesterday my grandfather was taken to the hospital at around 4:30pm and I had my dance class at around 6:00 for which I would have to leave at 5:30. Instead of staying at home, I went for my dance class. There was no one except my brother, grandmother, her nurse and our domestic helper at home. My sisters were both out, working.
The right thing to do would be to stay at home, but I didn't. My love for dance pulled me and I couldn't resist. Didn't want to resist. Now how about that? Was that selfish or was that selfish? That was selfish. I never like to think of myself as a selfish human being, for I never want to be . But didn't my love for dance just make me one?

The feeling isn't very pleasant to say the least. I feel rotten but there is no point in feeling that now, right? As they say, what's done is done, but that doesn't solve my problem. I never want my love for someone or something make me selfish. Actually, I want quite the opposite. But is that possible? Is there actually no selfishness involved in love or do we just choose to see it that way?

Small things that make me happy

2009-09-01T02:30:00.000-07:00

This post is a reply to my dear Emmi.
Let's see..I simply have to write the small things of life which make me happy. I would like all of you reading this post to do the same.

So here goes-

1) Watching good anime especially Kenshin and Bleach.
2) Singing along whenever I listen to a song I love.
3) Dancing!! The moment I listen to Deja Vu by Beyonce or Buttons by PCD, I
seem to lose control..hehe..these aren't my favourite songs yet I love the
beats for dancing.
4) Just closing my eyes and listening to soft numbers like All out of love and
making love out of nothing at all by Air Supply or Right here waiting by
Richard Marx.
5) Buying trinkets like earings when I have hardly any money
left..hehe..somehow I feel happy when I do buy such things. Even nail paint!
6) Just looking at my partner's picture where he is smiling is enough to make
me smile back. Sometimes just looking at him in the webcam and watching
him look back at me is enough silence me and thank god for what I have
got.
7) Eating chips!!! Lays especially!
Let's include chicken momos to that list also! And a South Indian dish called
Vada Saambar.It's pure heaven!
8) Irritating the hell out of my best friend Neha makes me happy..hehe..her
reactions are all worth it!
9) Writing a piece on my blog knowing that there are people out there who
care to drop by and read my random thoughts.
10) Reading a novel which keeps me hooked all through the day and leaves me
in a daze all night long makes me feel great! Makes me realise how much I
feel.
11) Dressing up before going to college..not to impress others but for my own
satisfaction makes me feel good.
12) Getting things done gives me a high. The feeling of accomplishment is
worth all the effort.
13) SLEEPING! I love sleeping, especially when I am dead tired and deserve it!

Now, now...I can go on and on. Such a post gives a real insight into the type of person one is. Even though it is based on the small things of life, it somehow reflects what one really loves in life.
Your turn my friends...

Who is lost and who isn't?

2009-08-27T09:18:00.000-07:00

Walking through the roads, I see all kinds of expressions on people's faces. Some kind, some haggard, some angry, some tired and some plain lechy. But there is something common in most of their expressions. There is a dullness which comes of living a mundane life with nothing to look forward to. How must that feel?

The common man who earns is too worried about money and the future of his children. The mother, if working, is torn apart between duty and profession which gives her no time for herself. I sometimes feel that people stop making an effort to evolve after a certain level. Perhaps it is an unconscious thing and they don't even realise it as they are too caught up in day to day activities. Another fact is that not everybody can have the luxury to "GET AWAY". Not everybody can afford it and what happens to them? I wonder...

What happens when one stops asking questions to oneself? Stops questioning their own actions and why did they happen the way they did. Sometimes the competition around sickens me. It is everywhere and it makes one selfish. It makes one feel that the whole world is standing against them and there is nothing to do but fend for themselves. Sometimes I just feel like walking away from all this and being totally alone with just a pen and paper. Nature attracts me a lot at such times and I truly regret that I have never seen much of it.

Hehehe... I'm being too serious eh? Just felt it and needed to write it. As always that is what gives me solace when my mind is troubled.

In the journey of life I want to make sure that I don't stop evolving as a human being . If I stop that, my life will be empty, devoid of any meaning. When I stop evolving, I will have nothing to offer and nothing worth receiving in return. Let's all make sure that such a stage never comes. That is why I always make sure that at least one day in a week is just for me, for how can I give to others if I don't give anything to myself?

So three cheers to me time!

Our very first dance class

2009-08-23T06:35:00.000-07:00

So people, I'm finally a dance trainer. Not in the sense you are thinking. I DID NOT take up probation and give up all my hours to dancing in front of the mirror at the cost of sacrificing everything else. But I have still become a trainer. How?
Yes, I taught dance to the children, children who are too poor to afford Jazz classes. These are the children who belong to the NGO I work for. It was great. The feeling was great, knowing that I can make good use of my talent and not just for myself but for spreading happiness among these children. Dance brings confidence and increases one self esteem along with building determination. At least dance has done that to me and much more along with that.
The children were a bit difficult to handle but on the whole, they were eager learners who respected my love for dance and did what I told them to do. It was a two way thing, you know. It wasn't as if they were the only ones benefiting from my classes. They helped me too. It was heart warming to see that they loved me and respected me enough to listen to me and give their 100%. And when they dance! Wow! They picked up really fast. I knew they were talented, but sooo much! I'm very proud of them and I know that every saturday will be a new learning experience, both for them and me.
This Saturday hit home the fact once again- THERE IS NOTHING GREATER THAN THE JOY OF GIVING.

Dirty dance...anyone?

2009-08-18T21:28:00.000-07:00

Wow.. I finally watched the movie!

The movie was made in 1987 with Patrick Swayze (Johnny) and Jennifer Grey (Baby) as the lead actors.

From the time I was a child I was crazy about the movie and unfortunately always saw it in bits and pieces. I think Patrick Swayze is extremely sexy. I wish I could dance with him...hehe..keep dreaming Deboshree.

The chemistry between Johnny and Baby was lovely to say the least. It was amazing. I really believe that dancing brings out the best in us. I never feel as alive as I do while dancing. Freedom is the word. I feel like I'm flying and no one can take that away from me. That is one reason I can never stop dancing.

The choreograpy by Kenny Ortega was simply mind blowing. Till date, Dirty Dancing is one of the best dance movies I have seen.

If given a chance, I would love to learn dirty dancing although it is more of instinct in this dance form rather than technique (at least that is the impression I got).

The music, my god, is wonderful! Cry to me, time of my life, hungry eyes and she's like the wind are all amazing. The movie was such a wonderful package with great music, amazing choreography and lovely acting.

I wonder if anyone else feels like dancing that way (can you hear me Emmi?). I certainly do and at least once, I will.

The day that was.......

2009-08-16T03:09:00.000-07:00

Have I ever in my life had such a wonderful Independence day in my life? I think not!

Yesterday on 15th August, I was to spend the day with the children of the NGO I work for. Aashayein (Hopes) is the name of our NGO which is under AID(Association for Indian Development).

All I can say is that the day was made special because of all the volunteers and the children. The camaraderie between all the volunteers was indeed heart warming. Because of the bonding things were easy to handle. The day had started with pouring rain but that didn't make a huge difference as the desire to have a wonderful day was too strong in us.

We had many activities which included a quiz competition, art competition, singing, dancing by the children which was followed by prize distribution and distribution of food packets.

More than anything else, the feeling of being one with all the volunteers is what touched all of us. After the end of the celebrations, all of us headed to Nirula's where we shared the laughter of a lifetime. We were in Nirula's in the above picture and I'm second on the right side.

I hope that yesterday was just the beginning of a wonderful journey. For me, it shall always be a day worth remembering.

Love to all my team members

Deboshree

THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON

2009-08-13T23:25:00.000-07:00

Well, I think everyone must have heard of this Academy award winning movie starring Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett.

I had heard quite a lot about this movie and we decided to rent the CD after we heard that Revolutionary Road wasn't available at the moment.

The movie was all I had expected and more. I don't know how to do justice with what I felt when I saw it last night. This movie made me wonder....what if...what if we were born the other way around? What if we became younger with every passing day? What if we kept growing younger? I think it would be terribly sad to see the ones you love fade away in front of your eyes while you keep getting younger. And terribly sad it was.

The movie made me think about so many things. Right now, at this moment, I'm young and alive. What will my life be like 20 years down the line? What will I be? Who will be with me and who will I lose? The moments pass by now without much notice but a time will come when every moment will drag and how longingly I will think of moments like these.

We come to this world all alone and leave it that way. But there is a short period between these two happenings and that is the time when we write our story. I know the coming years are going to bring the peak of my story and I want it to be beautiful. I want it to be something worth remembering, something that will give inspiration to people even after I leave this world. I don't want my life to be smooth sailing all the time. I want to see all sides of life and struggling is a very important part. How will I be strong if I don't struggle? I have seen quite a few things in life but not that much.

The movie made me feel grateful for what I have and grateful I am. It made me feel that the moment is now. There is no yesterday or tomorrow. What matters is now, today, this moment. It made me want to live every moment to the fullest for what I have today may not be with me tomorrow. The unpredictability of life struck me anew.

It made me feel that I have to make a difference and somehow, I just know I will.

Sorry Plato..I can't say I agree

2009-08-10T06:29:00.000-07:00

So here I am......
3rd year of college and we have to study Western Political Thought where Plato features first. Our Greek philosopher's contributions to Political Science have been irreplacable. When I read his theories, I was amazed. How could a man possibly think so thoroughly? About every detail and every possible argument against it? No doubt Plato is a philosophical genius and he rightly deserves the place he has.
So far, I have gone through his Theory of Justice and Education. I can't say that I agree with all his points but I admire his thinking. I admire his thought process but not exactly his thoughts.
Somehow I feel that his Ideal State was harsh in nature. For him the Ideal State would be where each man did what he was best at doing. I believe in that but believing that every human can be compartmentalised as Philosopher Kings(Rulers), Warriors and the producing class with only wisdom, courage and temperance respectively dominating their minds is going a bit too far. Believing that only a philosopher king has the right to decide what the classes under him would do is rather unjust and unfair. To expect that the Rulers would only think of gaining knowledge, the warriors of dignity and honor and the producing class only of appetite is certainly erroneous. Man is a complete being with many sides and wanting only one part to dominate all the others stunts human growth and intelligence. It leads to a one sided development of the mind and body at the cost of other needs. A warrior may also desire knowledge and so may the producing class for that matter. What right does the State have to deprive man of his desires?
But more than any other theory, his theory of Communism of Wives revolted me. How could such a great thinker go to such an extent for excellence that he deprives children of a normal childhood? To say that human beings have some needs and the philosopher kings could freely go to any woman and the child produced should be given over to the State because nothing should hinder the king from gaining more knowledge, is rather cold and repulsive. I blurted out in class that it was disgusting in the middle of the lecture..hehe. Don't you think it is? In the quest for knowledge for the Philosopher Kings, Plato goes to the extreme.
But there are other theories which I have yet to study and I am looking forward to it. I agree to some of his theories and he is a genius in terms of philosophical thinking and social morality. But there are many aspects of these theories to which I simply can't agree.

Beauty

2009-08-04T05:28:00.000-07:00

What is beauty? Something which appeals the eye? Something beautiful and attractive? So what all comes under the purview of beauty?

For me beauty has many faces..let me tell you what I think is beauty-

Beauty is when we see a young child helping his grandfather cross the street,beauty is when someone succeeds in making another human being smile, beauty is the expression on one's face after reading a lovely book which had a profound impact on him/her, beauty is when you see someone walk with life poring out of every inch of the person's being, beauty is when you can see a person who has a true zest for living, beauty is when our mind and body move as one in the way we exactly we want, beauty is between two lovers walking hand in hand with not a care in the world. The connection and understanding which needs no words is what I would call beautiful.

Nature is beauty. The perfect sychronization between each and every living and non living thing, the way things are exactly where they are supposed to be, the silent understanding between animals is what I would call beauty.

Art is beauty, music is beauty, dance is beauty. For me anything which expresses the inner being is beautiful. What do you feel when you look at Michelangelo's work? Does it touch you? It certainly touches me and that is what is beautiful. The power to touch and to move. What do you feel when you listen to your favourite song? When I listen to Annie's Song by John Denver, I'm moved to tears. That is what I call beautiful. What do you feel when you see two dancers locked in each other's arms and giving all they have? What do you feel when you see their bodies moving in perfect unison and not a step seems out of place? Their movements seem effortless and for me, that is beautiful.

Beauty is expression and expression is beauty. So if we just look around, there is quite a lot of beauty to admire! Beauty isn't a complex phenomenon. It is there around us all the time. It's presence is everywhere if we care to look.

NOW...WHAT SHOULD I THINK?

2009-07-27T03:49:00.001-07:00

It's raining outside and suddenly it feels as though Nature is no longer angry. Instead of the sweltering heat, there is a cool breeze accompanied by lovely rain...sigh...makes me philosophical.

Sometimes, actually many times, whenever I meet someone senior to me in stature, I get this feeling of being a inferior. Why does this happen although I know it happens to everyone?

If I would meet someone as a stranger, not knowing what that person does but just talking to that person as a normal human being, wouldn't that be infinitely better? Just connecting at the very basic level..the level of human beings who feel and think instead of judge. But I do judge and I try to change that and with time, I know I will.

I wish there was some way by which one could simply erase all these distinctions based on degrees and occupations. That is one reason why I love the blogging world. Here we are simply human beings with thoughts and experiences to share.Nothing more and nothing less. That is the precise reason why it is beautiful.

As for how to tackle the problem, I know that the answer lies within me but it isn't that easy. Sometimes I think it isn't easy and then sometimes I think that perhaps I am just complicating things for myself and in the end, nothing is as bad or complicated as one thinks to be.

As for judging people, it has reduced considerably but I can't say that it has gone completely. All I can say is that I have improved from before and will continue to try till I succeed for I know that the world is a reflection of my thoughts...what I think is what I shall see.

Do any of you feel the same way at times?

Genetically Modified Food

2009-07-23T00:52:00.000-07:00

My dear friends,

Today I have something to share with all of you and I would want an honest opinion from everybody on the said matter. I am sure everybody has a very strong opinion on this issue.

So here goes...

I work for an NGO called AID-Association for Indian Development. It's a huge organisation with its branches all over India.

So I get this mail about a campaign called I AM NO LABRAT. I read all I could and I went with my friend to volunteer in the campaign. It was held in Delhi Haat, a spot which attracts a lot of people for its authentic hand made Indian crafts.

To be very honest, I did not know anything about GM foods before I joined this organisation and I can say that most of the Indian population must still be unaware of how important this issue is.

So what exactly is the meaning of Genetically modified foods?

This term is most commonly used to refer to crop plants created for human or animal consumption using the latest molecular biology techniques. Such plants are modified in labs to enhance certain desired qualities/traits such as increased resistance to herbicides or increasing the nutritional value of the crop . For example- Plant geneticists can bring about all these so called desired traits in a crop plant by isolating a certain gene. Say if the geneticists want to make the plants drought resistant, they will isolate a certain gene which can allow the plants to grow even in drought like conditions and then inject it into the plant. Hence we get a drought resistant plant. These genes can be injected from one plant into another and also from non plant organisms. The best example of this is the use of B.T genes in corn and other drops. B.t or Bacillus thuringiensis, is a naturally occurring bacterium that produces crystal proteins lethal to insect larvae.Once these genes have been transferred into the corn, it enables the corn to produce its own pesticides against such insects. Hence, now the poison is not outside the food but inside as well and these companies give the reason that genetically modified food is good as it is pest resistant. Actually, the pesticides are now INSIDE the plant so why should we need pesticides in the first place? They say that pesticides are bad for human health and then why do they go ahead and produce it inside the plant itself?

Coming back to the campaign, we as volunteers had to get as many people as possible to sign the petition against the introduction of GM foods in India. GM foods had been introduced in USA in the 90's and perhaps even before that if we listen to what Jeffery Smith (Author of the book Seeds of Decepetion) said.

The introduction and production of GM foods have been severely opposed in many parts of the world especially in parts of Europe. USA is the one country which produces maximum GM food.

Now the question which first came to my mind is that why do we need Genetically Modified Food? Why? Is there such acute food shortage in India and the answer is no. India is the already the second largest producer of rice and wheat in the world after China. The only impediment in our path is the low mechanisation of agriculture. If we can improve upon that, things will change drastically.

The main arguments in favour of GM foods are that it increases productivity and a world with increasing population will soon have much more demands on food which is where GM foods will save us all. Quite wrong. A very nice cover although and what is the cost of this gift? Our lives.

I may be no scientist, but what is the guarantee that these genes which are lethal to insect larvae will not affect us at all? Maybe not in the short term but who knows about the long term? Why take such a chance when there is no real need to?

Another aspect which is quite scary is that if they are introduced in India, there will be no separate labelling for GM foods. Hence people will not even know what they are eating. And why will labelling not being done? Because labelling costs are very high and not every country can afford that. One more fact is that B.T cotton which was grown in India was initially met with approval as the productivity was very high. But then it slowly began to drop and by the end of it, the land itself became unfit for any type of cultivation ever again. Now why did that happen? Imagine the condition of the farmers if they were forced to grow such plants? Even the seeds of GM crop plants are infertile which would mean that the farmers would have to buy the seeds again and again from these companies. What will that lead to? Monopolisation in a decade or so and money coming in from all directions for such companies.

The total side effects of GM food is not really known, even to the scientists. Even if GM foods have to be introduced some day isn't it just in our part to want concrete evidence that it isn't harmful for us? Even medicine is introduced in the market after extensive research and experimenting for 17 years. Then why is there such a hurry to introduce GM foods right now? Especially when it has been proven that there are severe health hazards.

I would suggest all of you to watch this video-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=94d-KVorSHM

I would want all of you to share all the information or knowledge you have on this issue.

CONTEMPLATE

2009-07-14T04:40:00.000-07:00

Hello there my dear friends,

Been down with Viral fever.Still am.

Isn't it strange how sickness make you contemplate so much? You get so much time to yourself that you are bound to wonder about many things happening around you.

When I was in bed reading a book or writing it made me think how helpless I am. I hated the feeling of depending on someone, even if it's my own family. A burden seems a burden and then I thought how sad life would be if we never had someone who really genuinely cares for us.

Sure enough there will be people to laugh with us but how many will stick around and be your strength in times of weakness? How futile will life seem then? With no one to love and no one to love you back?

Sometimes I take my loved ones for granted and this period has made me realise how wrong of me that was.

My partner, although living in another city, made me feel so much in these few days. His concern for me was genuine and I can't explain in words how blessed I felt. Eventhough he treated me like a child at times, I loved it. I love him. With everything I have and I'm grateful that it is reciprocated in equal measure (sometimes more).

If you are reading this my paira, I want you to know how much you mean to me and thank you for always being there without fail. I love you.

I have to catch up with reading my favourite blogs now.

Love

Deboshree

THE FOUNTAINHEAD

2009-07-06T00:52:00.000-07:00

I'm sure most you must have heard about this book. It was written by AYN RAND in 1943 . It's a classic and after reading the book, I believe it has every right to be.

First of all, AYN RAND is a literary genius. The way the book has been written with not a single paragraph being out of place, is simply amazing. I wasn't bored throughout the book. There were times when the things said became too much for me to take, but I loved every part of it.

The main message the author has wanted to convey is that every human being should not compromise with what they really want. Doing what you want to and making it happen is the first and foremost duty to ourselves and the rest is secondary.

The book goes on to describe the life of 2 people who studied in the same architectural college. On one hand, we have HOWARD ROARK and on the other we have PETER KEATING. Howard was expelled from the college in his third year because of his bold and radical work. He refused to ape from the masters and stuck to what he believed in. That is Howard Roark for you. A man who refused to compromise on what he believed in and was ready to face the consequences of standing against the masses. But one thing that baffled me completely was Roark's ability to be totally unaffected by the crowd. What the world thought of him didn't make a difference to him for he knew what he wanted to do and knew he was going to do it. Now here is some food for thought...how many of us are actually totally and completely unaffected by the society? Perhaps a very few or none at all.

Now we come to Peter Keating, the most popular guy in college who passed with flying colours and got a placement in an eminent firm almost immediately after graduation. But Peter was hungry for fame and money. He wanted recognition, not the kind which a human being wants for himself but the kind which a human being wants to impress the society with. That is Peter Keating for you. A man who thoroughly compromised with his morals for the sake of money and empty recognition. Empty because it didn't make him happy deep down and the saddest part is that he refused to acknowledge his unhappiness. In a mad race to be the number one, he compromised with all his needs in life. Thus he ended up as a second hander.

In the words of Howard Roark, there are 2 types of people in the world. The CREATORS and the SECOND HANDERS. The creators are the ones who do what they want to do, not what society wants them to do. All the geniuses of the world have been creators who did not give a damn to what society thought of them. They refused to blindly follow and therefore were tried to be punished by the society in general and why was that? Simply because they were a threat to a society which had never made decisions for itself. They were a threat to the people who compromised with their wishes and ended up being nothing but an empty shell of a human being who had to find happiness in other people's happiness, not inside themselves. Society always has and always will be an obstacle in the path of every independent minded human being simply because they have dared to think different. That is the truth of life, a fact which cannot be ignored. That is the reason this book has been termed as a classic. The truth expressed in this book shall hold true for all time and that is what has made the book eternal.

Now we come to the love story between Dominique Francon and Howard Roark. Now this is the part which was not to my liking. In the act of trying to defy society and stand by Roark, Dominique destroyed quite a few lives. But their love had a strange quality which was not easy to comprehend. The fact remains that although Dominique refused to bow down in the eyes of society, she did just that by marrying twice before finally marrying Roark. She was afraid to see him ruined and thus married someone else. In my eyes atleast, that was an act of cowardice.

In the end, I would like to say that the book conveys a lovely message and gives us a lot of food for thought. It's thought provoking and makes us ask a thousand questions to ourselves. Are we living for others? Are we really doing something we want to? Something we genuinely love? Something which can be ours only? Are we brutally honest with ourselves? Are we living with integrity and honesty or are we just making a damn good show of it?

Well, all these questions crossed my mind. Did it cross yours too?

What I have learned from this book is that there are no half measures in life. If we do something, it should be out of love for that thing and not because society expects us to do it. If you dare to think and dare to achieve, YOU WILL.

LISEY'S STORY

2009-07-02T05:17:00.000-07:00

LISEY'S STORY by STEPHEN KING

My friend gave me this book and since I wanted something to read, I started.

My partner had told me beforehand that the book is rather slow and boring and does not reach a point where one can't stop reading it.

Well, I started and I must say that the beginning was a bit disappointing and it didn't make much sense. Well, since when did super natural stuff make sense anyway? I told myself that and kept reading. There were places when I had tears reading it. The love between Lisey and Scott was not a perfect love story with all the passion and romance as promised in fairy tales. And that is why I loved it. I loved coz it was simply human and real. It was something true, not to be dreamt of but to be felt for real. It was not about excitement and never ending passion, it was about loyalty, true understanding and a love which grows stronger with time, a love which weathers all the storms and decides to hold on anyway. That is why I loved it. Because it was true.

The book is about a journey of conquering your worst fears and more than that. There are very few people in this world with whom we can share our deepest fears. Much less are the people who can really understand them. Scott shared his fears with Lisey and Lisey understood him. She is the one who saved him countless times and saved him even on his dying day by simply being with him.

It was a lovely story. There was one part which made me terribly sad because it was very true. It meant-

When someone we love dies, it doesn't really register in our minds. In some way, they keep living in our minds and hearts. But then come the times when you wake up all alone in bed and you to tell yourself that the person you love is DEAD.GONE. That is how they actually die. Slowly and gradually. They die a little bit more everyday but never do they die in one go.

Lisey's story was Lisey's journey of letting her husband's soul rest in peace. Every morning she woke up and she kept talking to herself in Scott's voice. Many times, she heard him talk to her. That is the saddest part. She could'nt let go. The story is all about how she finally lets go and how bloody hard it is.

I was crying like hell when the book finished. She finally let the dead rest where they belonged. In the past. It was so sad to even think of loved ones being parted that way. But that is life, isn't it? We live, we love and we die.

Lisey's story can be seen in many other perspectives too. It can be said that certain parts were gruesome and it can be said that certain parts were lovely. I choose both. It was the gruesome and sad parts which made the lovely parts all the more beautiful. Isn't that the truth of life? The struggle makes the prize all the more valuable.

A lovely book with a poignant story given meaning by two people-Scott and Little Lisey.

NUMB

2009-06-29T00:56:00.000-07:00

Have you ever felt totally and completely numb? Numb beyond recognition? So numb that even you can't believe that it is actually you? I have been feeling so these days. Something seems wrong, terribly wrong and it's as if my heart knows that it's coming and preparing me for it before it strikes. I walk through the streets feeling nothing at all, wondering why I'm not happy. I see my friends and don't really feel anything at all. They are so happy to see me and I try, so hard, to feel something but nothing comes. I talk to my partner but I don't feel the same wealth of emotion as I used to. Something is changing and it's happening fast. And somehow, I don't have any idea how to stop it.

Things have stopped affecting me too much. It's as if a switch has been turned off and nothing can turn it off. Perhaps I am thinking too much and perhaps I am not. I wonder what it is that my heart is shielding me from. I hope I am wrong. I really do. Because if I'm not then something bad is about to happen. Something that will change me and my life. For better or for worse, I just don't know.

My heart is silently crying but crying for what, I don't know. Does any of you feel this way ever? Is it just a phase or is something really about to change? I wonder....

TO DEAR EPASEN....

2009-06-18T01:05:00.000-07:00

My dear friends and fellow bloggers..

Today I want to dedicate this post to a fellow blogger. Her name is Epasen and she lives in Finland. Her blog is named Living with Sclero.

I would like to begin by saying that there are very few people in this world who have the capacity to touch you deep down and actually stay there. In my case, Epasen is one of them. I never thought that blogging could bring me close to such wonderful people. I first read her blog after she left a comment for my piece on dance. She said we were very similar as individuals but I think that she is a much stronger human being than I can ever be. I didn't know the meaning of sclero till the time I read her blog and googled scleroderma. I was moved beyond words after reading her first post itself. I just knew I had to follow her blog.

About scleroderma-
Scleroderma is a chronic autoimmune disease characterised by hardening in the skin and other organs. There are 2 types- local and systemic. The local type known as MORPHEA although disabling tends not to be fatal while the systemic type can be fatal. This form affects the internal organs along with the skin.

This young lady has accepted sclero as a part of her life and the way she is living with it is commendable. To believe in the best and be positive at all times is the mark of an extremely strong individual. She goes on inspite of everything and unlike the most of us, she brings out the best in her life and doesn't look at sclero from a negative point of view. I am truly inspired by her and always will be. Our problems seem so trivial when I read her posts and I feel as though I have no right to sit and crib ever. She makes me feel like getting up and doing the best in life. Not just sit and crib over what I don't have.

People, I would recommend all of you to read her blog. She has touched me and moved me and I want all of you to see what a strong woman she is.

Three cheers for you Epasen my dear!

Lots of love
Deboshree

FINALLY..THE FINALE!

2009-06-13T07:08:00.001-07:00

Hey there my dear friends! How have you guys been doing?

Yesterday was my last day at work and we had the finale. There was tension everywhere and the air was tense behind the scenes but that is always the case during any show. It was a success and the tiny tots made me proud. Even the naughtiest ones performed well! Ofcourse we had to dance in front of them and we didn't goof up either! The one thing I was most nervous about was the Yoga and Aerobics. I was the only one to lead them there. No mike, no help, only me on stage with my voice to guide them. I tell you, there was a moment when I could feel all eyes on me and you know what, I loved it! Suddenly there on stage, I knew that I was a performer, be it anywhere and I would perform no matter how much pressure was exerted on me. The feeling was damn good.
My dance show is on 28th this month. Wish me luck guys. I want to blow away everyone this time and give a great performance!

EYE OF THE HURRICANE

2009-05-31T08:40:00.000-07:00

My dear friends...Good to come back after a short spell.

I have read this book my partner send me and I wanted to share the experience with all of you.
Frankly my dear friends, I'm a hopeless romantic. I love reading romance novels more than anything and romance and love are an integral part of me.
So I start reading the novel and as usual, I'm transported to another world...a world of beauty and love..of kisses and passion..of dreams and desires and you know what..I think I simply love it.
The main characters are Miranda and Jake and what a handful they are! There was this particular scene which has touched me very deeply. Magical is the word for it. Magical is the feeling to describe it. Love..expressed so beautifully was really rare. Sometimes things happen in life. We meet someone and there is an undeniably strong connection from the very beginning. I wonder what sorts of beings we are as we can feel so much beyond any explanation. In that scene, not a word was spoken..only music filled the air and there was no need for any intrusion. The depth of emotion touched me very deeply. A simple kiss by Jake on Miranda's temple and forehead moved me more than any passionate love scene could. It was lovely. The way the author described the connection between two people who hadn't known each other for long, was amazing.
Just holding a loved one close and feeling his/her warmth can give us profound happiness and fulfillment. I thank God for creating love and I thank us for giving such wonderful meaning to it. Just imagine when someone finds the person they have been looking for..how would it feel? How life would transform..slowly and gradually that person would fill your entire being and before you know it, your life has become an intricate part of his and vice versa.
Tell me, is it unreasonable and fanciful to imagine that you will get the man/woman you always wanted? Is it childish to expect that you will? Do people really get the perfect partner or is it just a notion which withers away with time?

CRASH WITH A THUD..

2009-05-27T07:55:00.000-07:00

My computer crashed a few days ago and everything has changed. I didn't know how much of my happiness is related to this machine. All my favourite songs and anime have flown out of window. On top of that after formatting the computer, most of the sites have been blocked by norton!
Is norton even good? I think it is more of a headache really.
Can any of you suggest any better anti virus?
Sigh...everything has come to a standstill without my computer.
Will catch up with all the blogs..hehe..feel so left out in a span of a few days.

Love

THE CRYING BOY

2009-05-19T06:46:00.000-07:00

In comes a little boy with tears in his eyes and crying out for his mom at every moment possible. It's a summer camp with loads of children present and the teacher takes an immediate liking to the crying bundle. She holds him in her arms and slowly, after whispering soothing words in his ears, the poor child's sobs begin to subside. Now here comes the funny part. The sobs subside to such an extent and he begins to enjoy himself so much that he begins to disrupt the enjoyment of the other children. He smiles and laughs at all the wrong things and thinks that by saying sorry everything will be fine. Well, his mother has played a wonderfully important role in that sphere. He turns out to be an attention seeker and it becomes obvious to the teachers that he doesn't have a stable atmosphere at home.
But the teachers love him a lot eventhough he can be a total headache at times. His stubbornness is amazing and annoying! The child has not been taught how to sit quiet and that comes from the fact that the parents have given in to everything that he wanted. Giving too much at too young an age goes a long way in harming the children. He is so used to constant entertainment that it becomes rather trying at times to make him sit quietly.
Then the other day, something happened and the teachers understood perfectly why the child was the way he was. His mother came in and wanted to see his drawing sheet. Unlike other children, his drawing sheet was nothing but a riot of many colours running astray. It was not a pretty sight to see and the mother was very disappointed when she saw that. Then she asked the teachers about him and they told her honestly how he behaved in class. Then something happened which was rather sad. The mother made the child stand up on a chair and told him to say sorry to everyone and said that he needs to be insulted to improve and the teachers thought to themselves....how wrong can a person think? The child felt very bad and it showed. It's amazing how the feelings of self respect and pride are present in us from this tender age itself. He downright refused to say sorry and ended up crying. Later on it came to be known that he did indeed have an unstable atmosphere at home. He was caught between constant fights and what was the child to do? He will be nothing but a reflection of what he sees around himself and hence came the violent side.
But the teachers were not ready to give up on him. There was an extremely sweet and caring side to the child and they would do all they could to help him. What the child needed was a lot of love and care. That is why he had become an attention seeker. He needed love and was using any means possible to get the attention. Poor child.

Then the teachers, me and my friend, decided not to get angry with him anymore. Today we decided to love him more than usual and see his reaction. Whether he would listen to us or not was a challenge. It was difficult, very difficult. The child himself had no idea how many barriers he has put around himself. But today was a test of our patience too and we did win.
When he was disrupting the work of the other children, I called him close to me and after telling him 4-5 times that he is a good boy and he won't do anything bad, he finally nodded and said ok. He is such a sweetheart! After that he did everything we said. It isn't a great achievement but for me it was. It was lovely to see him happy and quiet without harming other children. What a heart warming sight!
Today was a lovely day because of this incident and I wanted to share it with you all.

THE JOY OF BEING THERE...

2009-05-10T10:03:00.000-07:00

After a long time, today I was able to devote some much needed time to the NGO I had joined.

I woke up all groggy wondering why the hell was the alarm ringing on a sunday morning and then I remembered..the children!
I shrugged off my laziness(with great effort) and got up, got ready and left.
The first thing which warmed my heart was the sight of the children shouting with happiness the moment they saw me and my friend approaching. I had not been there for weeks and they missed me. It was lovely to know that these children remembered me and actually missed me. I silently cursed myself for allowing laziness to creep over me the last time.I cursed dance for making my body too weak to move, but at the end of it, it was my fault.
So, today I came to know that a new system had been introduced. Actually, a much needed one. The children were to be divided on the basis of their age groups and each volunteer was to have 2-3 students and maintain a record of their progress each week. Wonderful. That is exactly what we needed for real progress. 2 hours flew by and I didn't even think of the time till prachi told me to wrap up. I love those children. They are beautiful and when I see the thirst for knowledge in them, I feel like giving them all I have and that I will. I have to go down to the very basics.It was quite obvious that their very foundations are quite weak, but that can be changed with hard work and dedication from both sides and I know we have that.
When it was time to leave, it was nice to know that next week those 4 kids would be waiting for me and I will be helping them. It doesn't matter if there is very little difference..what matters is that there is even SOME difference, for that will pave the way for much more. That is what I believe in and now that I know that those 4 children are my responsibility, there is no question of being lazy!
God I love them! The way they were running after the car, when we were leaving, made me feel sooo I don't know how to express the feeling!
I think things are clearing out and when I was confused, life has made me realize what my priorities are.
I read a piece of a fellow blogger and it made me think. He said that life was all about taking risks and pushing yourself to the maximum limit. The thing is that somethings make you want to push yourself to the limit and some just don't because at the end of it, they don't seem worth the effort.
The answer is before me my dear friends, dance and me myself as life or loving,giving and making a difference in people's life. After today's experience, I'd be blind not to understand what I really want. I guess you all know too what I choose.
I don't want to look at myself in the mirror all my life and JUST think about me. I want to be OUT THERE, among the people, with them, spreading happiness and knowledge. Life will be uncertain once again now, but I guess that is what life really is. UNCERTAINTY WITH CHANGING FACES.
But the difference is that now I know for sure what is worth the effort and what not.

PEACE AT LAST...

2009-05-07T08:46:00.000-07:00

So my dear friends,
I have made my decision.
I have decided that I will give dance a try and not judge the whole thing on the basis of a few days. If I still feel even after a few months that I'm going in the wrong direction, then end of it!
But for now,I'm going to take up this challenge and it is solely my responsibility to strike a balance in my life and guess what....I'm going to do it!
The road may be narrow and the obstacles may be many, but till the time my loved ones support me and I have faith in myself, nothing can stop me.
Thank you so much all my fellow bloggers for always supporting me and giving me valuable advice.
Love

CONFUSION

2009-05-04T01:08:00.000-07:00

Life has yet again put me in a dilemma. I can't seem to make sense out of the present state of affairs.
I got selected for probation in the audition and day before yesterday was my first probation class. We had to dance straight for 5 hours and after that my body started protesting. I don't have a lot of stamina and even 2 hours of dancing can make my body ache like anything.
So,I went to the class with an open mind and told myself to simply enjoy it. But things began to change after the first few hours. I can't understand if I'm over reacting or I am just not open enough. The founder of our institution took the class and I must say that he is a fantastic choreographer. But what I couldn't digest was his over emphasis on sex and sexuality for becoming a great dancer. He made rows of students facing each other and one row had to walk sexy in front of the other row. I really can't understand how it adds to our potential as a dancer by just touching ourselves and pulling up our pants.
Am I being silly? Close minded? Perhaps. But I have danced from my heart and I don't feel that by doing such silly things one can actually become a beautiful dancer.
My mind is in turmoil and my heart is in pain. Is this it? Do I have to become somebody I don't want to become for loving dance so much? Do I have to compromise with my beliefs? If so, I doubt I will be able to go on with it for long. On top of that, the next day after class, I was supposed to go the NGO and teach the children and you know what, I didn't even have the strength to get up from bed. My muscles were tense and my body was protesting because it did more than it could handle. The whole day I walked like an old lady with my back bent as I couldn't even stand straight. Even that hurt.
What am I to do? Compromise on what I want to do in the NGO? What about the children? Do I have to leave them to devote more time to MYSELF and MYdance? Will it become all about me? Is that what I want? NO! That's the truth and I can't understand what to do now.
I hope this one year will show me how deep my love for dancing is. I have a feeling I will come to know even before the end of this year. Whatever it may be, I will rest assured that I did try my best and if things work out, fine and if they don't..then I was maybe never even meant for dance.
I hope this turmoil my soul is in doesn't last for long. I don't like my inner equilibrium being disturbed to such an extent.
I have to either open up more or simply leave.
I wonder what it is going to be....

WHAT ARE WE?

2009-05-01T00:24:00.000-07:00

EXPERIENCES.......

Well, that word is a strong one, don't you think?

What are we? Why are some of us happy individuals? Why are some us totally cynical and unhappy with life? Why are some us romantics while the others are hard core realists? Why?

The answer is experiences. The smallest of experiences can have a profound impact on us. Sometimes I feel that we human beings are such fragile creatures. One incident/experience can shatter us. Another incident can make our lives worth living.

What do we live for? What is the meaning of our existence? Do we come to this world to gain recognition, fame and money? Yes, we do. But how many of us are happy when we come back home and have no one to share that happiness with? What is fame,what is success when we have NO ONE who would appreciate it? The whole world can tell us that we have done a commendable job, but what do we want? We want the love and appreciation of those select few people who have been with us through it all...who mean the whole world to us.

But I sometimes wonder, what about the people who have no one? Do they become bitter , sad or lonely or do they learn to find solace is other things of life? How does it go? There are so many people out there who don't have support of any kind, be it in the form of a family, friends or partner. What about them?

Do they crumble? Does the love inside them get locked up in a shell too difficult to break? Do they become suspicious and refuse to allow anyone to come close to them? Or do they become extremely strong human beings who fear nothing since they have nothing to lose in life?

How does it go? I wonder because I, for one, cannot imagine a life without love.

But who knows, unpredictability is one of the key words associated with life. I am the way I am now because of various experiences,but who knows what life has in store for me.But one thing is for sure...wherever I go, I know I will spread love and that is something no experience can change.

DISTANCE

2009-04-24T01:27:00.000-07:00

Hey guys.Didn't have time to post much because of my exams.They're still on but I need a break.

Today, I shall tell you a story about a girl on the threshold of womanhood and a man who helped her achieve it. It is but a unique story. They met and the feeling from the very beginning was something special. They knew they could never be JUST friends, but they tried and they failed. Feelings grew, emotions became stronger and the world began to change. Two lost souls, buried in sadness and pain, saw the world with new eyes. Suddenly, there was hope in life. Maybe afterall, after everything that had happened to them before, they still had a chance of living a happy life.

But there was another thing. They had NEVER really met. They lived in different cities, thousands of kms away from each other. They never saw each other except in pictures and they did not know what the other person really looked like in real life. But their feelings were too strong to give up. Sometimes, it seemed futile for them to carry on for the distance was too much of a burden to bear. But somehow, even after the saddest conversations, there would be a glimmer of hope and they chose to believe.

Then came a miracle. The girl's family decided to send her to that city for a vacation and only with her sisters and best friend. It was like a dream come true but still it was unbelievable. And so she left, with love in her heart, excitement filling every pore of her being.

And then came the jolt. Not a pleasant one. Life played a trick on them. They were talking over the phone for over a year and their feelings had grown. But little did they think that such might not be the case in real life. The feelings were not that strong and they knew this was a test for them. But inspite of everything, they held on for eventhough doubts plagued them, love was never far away. And they were tested, again and again. Even when he came to her city, it wasn't easy for them to get used to each other, but they did and chose to believe

Time went on and almost 2 years were over. But this time they did not have a chance to meet before almost 6-7 months. The girl's faith began to crumble but he refused to let go. When she was weak, he gave the strength to hold on. But soon, a time came when the girl's faith was back and his faith began to crumble. More than ever before. But this time, the girl didn't let go and so they move on............Sometimes, there is more pain than happiness and sometimes there is more darkness than hope. But that is not what they believe in. After the shadow of the night, the sun shines through and that is the meaning of life. After every obstacle we have overcome, there is reward. After every challenge won, there is glory of victory. And that comes when you choose to believe.

And now here is another fact....you are what you choose to believe.

And that girl is none other than me and that man is mine.

BITE..BITE..RUN!

2009-04-15T09:29:00.000-07:00

Today I would like to tell all of you about my dearest pets.
Well, they are with me no more , but I have many happy memories with them.
We had more than 30 pigeons and 2 rabbits which multiplied to 40!! I used to love them with all my heart, but then something happened and they could be with us no more.
My mom got cancer and the doctor said that pets could be a source of infection for mom and they had to be given away. What a moment it was.I'm glad that I was very young back then.If I was older, then the pain would have been much more acute.
I had spent wonderful moments with those lovable creatures.We had two rabbits, Tiny and Tot.Tiny was the mother and Tot, the father.Tiny used to remain ill all the time and Tot was the healthy and ferocious one.There isn't any family member who wasn't bitten by him.He even bit my sister's nose!
There was one particularly amusing incident,although it wasn't that at that time.My father was very fond of Tot and would sit with him for long hours. But one day, as dad was cuddling Tot, he suddenly bit his finger and it started bleeding(that was the third time for dad) and then dad just lost it. It all happened in a moment.We saw the naked fury in dad's expression and grabbed Tot and ran with him! We just ran for it! Me,my sister and my mom, all in a line and dad behind us, shouting to let the vicious animal down for he deserved a good hit. We knew that if poor Tot had a good hit from dad, he would never survive for another one. We locked us into the next room and dad was shouting like anything. He loved Tot a lot but I guess he didn't realise how frail the sweet animal was. But we refused to open the door and held Tot close to us,who thankfully, did NOT bite us. I guess he realised it was safer for him to keep his mouth shut this time.Literally.

They were extremely dear to us and it was mom who brought them to us. I will always love them,but now that I'm older I feel that maybe they should never be taken captive in the first place. Same goes for birds. If I ever get pigeons again' I'll set them free.My partner has inspired me to think so and I think he is right.
The thing about pets is that within no time at all, they make a place in your heart, name that place as theirs and simply no one can replace them.But the moment they are gone, the heart is filled with inexplicable sorrow and the place they kept warm for themselves becomes suddenly extremely barren and cold.
So maybe, just maybe, I'll think twice before letting them enter my life again.

LOVE AND HIM...

2009-04-10T09:34:00.000-07:00

Today, friends, I plan to write about love.I'm young but I feel that my feelings aren't.

Love.I thought I was in love in school when I was 9 years old. I thought I was in love when I was 15 years old. Then again I thought I was in love when I was 16 years old and after that I gave up on love altogether.I became a cynic at too young an age and gave up all thoughts of love altogether. I thought that love was made for fools and it was nothing but a waste of emotions. Yes, I know it sounds ghastly but I was fighting with myself every day then. My heart would want to believe but my experiences would speak a different language altogether.

Soon I was 18 and I met this guy who has changed my life. Whatever I am today, I owe it to him. From a cynical, under confident, defiant and sad little girl, I became a strong, confident and extremely positive person.You must know that it was because of him that I had the courage to join dance classes.I didn't want to disppoint him.I would be nowhere if it weren't for him. I think even he has no idea how much he has done for me.

He had faith in me when I had lost it myself. He pushed me to do my best when I didn't have the confidence. He was ecstatic if I was victorious.He was understanding and loving when I was not. But judgemental he was never. He has been my strongest support and reason to live. There were no insecurities with him, there was nothing childish about our relationship. He is the man who taught me the meaning of US. He is the man who has made me understand the meaning of love and I tell you, it's simply beautiful!

What is love?

It is more than the fluttering of your heart, it is more than sleepless nights, it is more than butterflies in your stomach, it is much more than passing lust. Love is what calms your heart, what soothes your soul.It is love which gives you the pleasure of resting in peace at night with a smile on your face making you realise that when you wake up the next morning, your loved one will be right next to you, safe in your heart and warm in your arms. That is what I call is love. Love is more than attraction for attraction is something which invariably dies. Love is when you have utmost faith in your partner, so much so that you can trust him blindly.

That is what he has made me realise and I love him for that. I love him with all my heart and I always wish for his happiness. I shall always be thankful to God for making him a part of my life, a part of me.

Words are not enough to show how much he means to me. He has given new dimensions to the meaning of love.God bless his soul.He deserves nothing less than the best in life.

THE WORLD OF ARTISTS

2009-04-09T05:41:00.000-07:00

Today I would like to introduce all of you to the beautiful world of Art.

I have always been a fan of artists and one of my best friends is doing Bachelors in Fine Arts from a very reputed college in India.

Other than that, my mom was a fantastic artist and my grandmother is still one!

So all my life I have seen lovely works around me but sadly, the talent has not passed on to us.At best, I can sketch and that is about it. But yes, I do have a genuine love for art and I enjoy reading about famous artists.

The artists whom I find most fascinating are VAN GOGH, PAUL GAUGUIN, MICHELANGELO, MONET, MANET, LEONARDO DA VINCI.But today I want to write about the two artists who are closest to my heart.

Let's begin with Michelangelo(1475-1564)-Michelangelo was an Italian Renaissance painter, sculptor,architect and poet. I first saw his works when I was in school and I must say, his works are nothing short of exquisite. He brought life into marble and every work of his has somehow touched me. He has never JUST painted, he has brought life into each and every figure.He used to go to the morgue and cut human bodies to get a better idea of our anatomy.Well, he did a great job of it! He is the only artist who had 2 biographies written during his lifetime and although he earned a lot in his lifetime, he lived like a pauper.

One of my dreams is to visit Rome to see the famous Sistine Chapel.I am totally intrigued by his work.These are few of his works which I really like.

THE JUDGEMENT DAY

TOUCH OF LIFE

THE PIETA

Now I come to Vincent Van Gogh(1853-1890)-Vincent Van Gogh was a Dutch post -impressionist artist. I had read LUST FOR LIFE by IRVING STONE which was based on his life.I must say that this was one of the few books which made me cry. He was one man who had an extremely tragic life.

BLOOMING PLUM TREE

OLD MILL

He couldn't sell even one painting throughout his life.The only painting which he thought was sold was actually bought by his own brother THEO. Theo loved Vincent dearly and he was the only support for Vincent, especially financially. He died very young at the age of 37. He had committed suicide by shooting himself in the chest and within 6 months of his death, Theo too passed away.My heart cries out even while writing about this. As we all know, Van Gogh gained fame AFTER his death and today, his works are irreplacable.

THE PATCH OF GRASS

CHERRY TREE

These are a few of his works which I really like.

The thing about artists which attracts me the most is not only their works, but what inspired them to produce such master pieces.I have always felt that artists are a class apart.Their power of imagination surpasses the normal human being, they can see and feel things which we may never be able to.
Their passion and ability to show the world what they feel and think through the canvas has been one which I greatly admire and will continue to do so.
I would love to know what goes on in their mind and I will keep on trying, for theirs is a world of passion and imagination, a world I would willingly like to get lost in.
I salute all the artists in this world who produce thought provoking works of art and let us catch a glimpse of their challenging world.

AND SO IT HAPPENS...

2009-04-07T08:26:00.000-07:00

Anyone who has read my earlier post about dance will know what dance means to me.Time has made me realise the beauty of dancing and if anything, my relationship with dance has become stronger than ever before.

Earlier I was too worried thinking about the money and where it would come from, but you know what, I have realised that when you really want something with all our heart, everything conspires in your favour and not because it is fate, but because you have faith and you WORK towards what you want in life. The ultimate achievement in life is to be happy and fulfilled,to be doing the things which really make you feel alive.And let me tell you something, there are very few things in life which become the reason of your living.

Well,I have found it!

I have been offered dance as a profession twice now and only this time have I thought of giving it a try.Today I have been promoted to the next level and here I am, feeling rather sad.
Why? Because no one in my house appreciates the fact that I have been promoted.They can't see the hard work that I have put in to be where I am.I guess it isn't their fault either.Even I didn't know how much hard work dancers have to put in to be where they are.
Life has changed for me after dancing and I hope that this step will be correct for me.
For most people, dance may just be the movement of our body,but for me it's the freedom which my soul craves, the fulfillment which my heart desires and the joy which gives meaning to my life.
Here I go, taking a step which might completely change my life but I have to take this risk for what is life without challenge? What is life if you don't live it? And so, I choose to LIVE.

A WORLD WHICH SHALL NEVER BE...

2009-04-04T02:54:00.000-07:00

Alas,there I saw, a world full of beauty, a world where we walk in a dreamland, sleep in a fantasy and breath in the air of love.....and that my friend, is a world which shall never be.

In this dreamworld, flowers shall blossom in every season, the winds shall blow whenever I please, the heavens shall bestow gentle kisses on the creatures of earth, lovers shall be entwined, lost in a world of peaceful oblivion.

We shall be born blessed and live with an undying zest and passion for life and love.

I shall close my eyes and the whole world of my dreams shall come before my eyes. For endless moments, I shall be there, captured in the beauty of my own imagination and filled with an ecstasy rarely known to man.

The stars shall look down upon me and embrace me, make me feel immortal, be it even for a second. When I open my eyes, my lover shall make me realise the wonder of being mortal, of being young, of being passionate and truly alive in the arms of my beloved.

But then, the moment my name is called, my splendid journey shall come to an abrupt halt. With a thudding jolt the world of my dreams shall crumble right before my eyes, but not before I relive it once again and lock it away in my memory, where I shall jealously guard it, till next time........when my love affair with fantasy shall resume again.

HOPES AND DREAMS

2009-04-01T06:27:00.001-07:00

It was a Sunday. Sunday,a day supposed to comprise of fun and relaxation. But this particular Sunday I was neither at home expecting any friends nor was I relaxing myself. This particular Sunday I was at an NGO which has had a strong impact on me. AASHAYEIN, an NGO under the care of AID(Association for Indian Development) was a rather interesting project.
We had to teach poor children but what I did not know was that where we would be teaching would be near the slum. For a moment, after looking at the shackled building we would be teaching them in (not literally inside the building,just the floor outside), all my hopes took a plunge into the gutter. Realisation hit me that how could such a place ever make a concrete difference? But those feelings did not last long. The children came running to see us, happiness etched in every line of their face and I couldn't help but smile back at them. I thought to myself ,ok there must be some hope. One of them came to me and hugged me outright. It was an extremely cute baby boy who was not even taller than my legs..! The boy wrapped his hands around me and hugged me as if he had been waiting for me forever. What a heart warming feeling it was. I smiled into the child's eyes and decided there and then that yes, I would make a difference. The class began and we fit in perfectly with the children. It came so naturally, the light teasing, the mock anger and teaching them with love and patience. It wasn't half as bad as I had expected. I knew we would be coming back again and again........
But I was still thinking what sort of concrete difference could we bring about because teaching them anything and everything every week wouldn't make any concrete difference. Something was missing and I found out what that something was in the coming weeks. I attended a meeting of AID where all the NGOs under this organisation came together and wow, what an experience!! When I heard what the people were doing, their efforts were a welcome inspiration.
I listened attentively and said to myself-these are the people who can actually make a difference in our country, people who were putting their soul into their tasks and made real differences in life. My admiration for them rose with every passing moment and I decided that I had to do something for my NGO as it did not even have a proper room allocated for the children. But I came to know that the head had somehow taken care of that and we were soon to have room for the children and I knew that only then could we make a concrete difference.
With hope in my heart and doubts inevitably tagging along, I have vowed to make a true difference in the lives of these children. I hope that doubt loses its meaning with the passage of time and strength becomes our guiding factor. Strength to make a difference, strength to take initiative.

MY HEART'S DESIRE...

2008-06-08T02:54:00.000-07:00

Dancing is one of my greatest passions..Sadly,I find myself in a position where I can't fulfill my desire to continue dancing.The only thing left for me to do is make the most of what I have now.I am going to dance with all the life I have and I am going to thoroughly enjoy it..!

Personally,I feel that dancing is the most beautiful way to express your feelings.Every part of you is alive when you dance from your heart.Your face will glow with happiness,your eyes will reflect your pleasure,you will smile with the joy of being alive and feeling it.Dance is truly beautiful.The way one can reach out through their dancing is absolutely lovely.It's never just your body moving,it's so much more than that.It's your soul feeling true joy and your body expressing it with every movement.Dance is life,dance is expression,dance is merging the language of your body and soul.

Isn't it a pity that not everyone can understand that?My grandfather is very critical about dancing.For him,dance is nothing at all.It's just a waste of time and gaining knowledge is the only fruitful thing that one can possibly do.I wish there was some way that I could make him understand my viewpoint.But then again,he is too set in his ways and his mind has become inflexible.

BUT, I plan to dance all my life,for my life is empty without dance.I need to express and I need to feel the music urging my body to move along with it.

Whether or not the world will understand me,I know my love for dance will never diminish.If nothing else,I know it will just increase as time passes by....

To all of you out there,I would like to say that never give up on what you believe in.You are what you believe in and nothing is ever out of reach.There might be obstacles in your path,but no one can ever stop you from doing what your heart desires..

LOVE..COMPASSION AND KINDNESS..

2008-06-04T09:48:00.000-07:00

LOVE...what is love??

Can anyone tell me exactly what it is?

If anyone can,I would rather tell them not even to try,for giving love a meaning in simple words is just simplifying its real depth.There is a special someone in my life because of whom I have had the chance to feel so much .He is the man of my life.The man who has taught me how it feels to love and be loved ten times more.

Never before in my life have I felt so much for a person.

These simple words-"I LOVE YOU",have never before held so much meaning before.NEVER have I seen such genuine love before.He has no idea how much I love him,but I am going to spend all my life proving him how much.

Love is the most beautiful emotion in this world and a human being can want nothing more than the desire of being loved by someone special.

Many say that love is a state of mind,but I say that people who say that don't really know how deep true love goes.I am on the path of discovering it myself..!

As for compassion,my darling partner says that I am very compassionate.I wonder if he has any idea how compassionate he is..!

A human being can't be complete till the time he cannot feel for others.Feeling..that is the most beautiful part of being a human being.How wonderful it is to be truly alive and feel everything so very deeply..!!

Everything we do..everything should have a touch of love in it.Somehow,by doing that,our work becomes special.Anything we do,when we feel it from within and do it,there will always be something that will instantly touch others.Love attracts love.There is an invisible bond between all of us.

When we take leave from someone's company , just a simple touch is enough to give you a special place in that person's heart.A warm hug,a genuine heartfelt thanks or a simple look which conveys a lot is enough to touch someone very deeply...

So go ahead..love the people near you,for tomorrow never really comes...

You can't run from what you hate...

2008-06-01T08:14:00.000-07:00

Here I am,a person who hates politics and everything that comes along with it..BUT somehow,I have ended up doing honours in political science..!! Strange,isn't it?
So,here comes the most important question..
What is politics?
A dirty game which involves corrupt people with flexible morals??
NOT QUITE....
One thing I have learnt after taking up political science is that politics is definitely much more than that.But the sad reality is that the leaders of our country have destroyed the very meaning of politics.
The truth of the matter is that more often than not,if you ask someone the meaning of politics,the words corruption,bribery,theft,muscle power and money,are bound to come.
In the beginning,when the term State did not even exist,there used to be so much peace and harmony..NOW..That was what I used to think before.Now,however,I see that there has always and will be conflict in society.Be it in the tribal societies or the present day capitalist society,conflicts have always been an inevitable part of human nature.

It's sad that power has corrupted man so deeply.Earlier,politics was just meant to bring about people's welfare and organisation of the society.It was synonymous with development.
How has the meaning changed so dramatically now?
We cannot put the whole blame on politicians.We,as citizens,have also a major role to play.We,as voters are often unaware of the true political scene.I know many who don't even exercise their voting rights,but come forward when it comes to blaming it all on the politicians..!!
Education...it plays the main role when it comes to choosing our political leaders.It is sad that the vast majority of Indians are still uneducated.Everyone knows how the politicians mobilise people on caste basis..
EDUCATE THE PEOPLE..!!I am glad that people are becoming more and more aware day by day.It is a poke in right direction I might say..!!
I look forward to the day when all the regional and caste leaders meet a crumbling defeat and secularism and development of all becomes the national cry..not only in word,but also in deed.

PEACE OF MIND

2008-05-29T07:38:00.000-07:00

Thursday..the fourth day of the week.Alas! I find my peace and I realise that I am a human being who cannot live without complete peace of mind.I never thought that one could be so disturbed with simple thoughts,but I find myself in a position where thoughts play the main role.

What are we anyway??

We are what we think? Not at all..!!

Many a time we think about things which we might never do.Thoughts don't make us,but our actions most certainly do..
You know what is the problem with us? we try to find answers to questions which are actually absolutely irrelevant.I,for one,do exactly that.When everything is going smoothly,I just have to find something which is not happening the way it should.It's so damn easy to find problems and believe me,it takes me a lot more time to solve them and make myself believe that there is actually no problem to begin with.
Now..at the end of the day,I have convinced myself that there is nothing wrong and it's just a matter of time before I start pestering myself yet again..^_^

Things I detest..!

2008-05-26T08:07:00.000-07:00

Everyday...every single day,I get to see something that I completely dislike and yet, there isn't much I can do about it.I see people lying and although I feel like telling them to go take a hike,I have learnt to keep my mouth shut. I have seen people trying to act smart,trying to be nice,trying so hard that they fail completely.

Most of all,I hate it when people try to act as if they know everything when in actual they don't even have an idea about what they are talking.Showing off is something that really puts me off.Some people have the foolish notion that their value increases if they wear branded clothes..!! Someone should throw a bucket of cold water on their face and tell them to please wake up.

Wanna be's..I hate them.They are people who have lost their identity in their craze for latest fashion.Anything that is popluar is good for them,good or bad.

Another thing I hate about us human beings is that we are taught how to say things which we don't mean at all.That,I think is a very sad reality.We are born and brought up that way.We are told to keep our mouth shut and not speak our mind among people of higher stature.But who the hell cares?? And you know what is the worst part? We people,without even realising it,become like that.We are made conscious about what other people will think and fear plays the major role here.I am saying this because I have been a victim to this myself.So many times I refrain from speaking my mind because of the people around and what they might think.

One thing I am extremely happy about is that all this is changing now.I have learned to speak my mind even if people dislike it.And let me tell you something..it feels fantastic!!The day you have the strength to say what you want to without fearing from anyone's presence,you are truly and extremely strong human being(by the way,I don't mean talking rubbish continously by this).
On the whole,I have learnt how to subtly put people in their place although I do agree that I have to learn a lot in this field.But,life is a learning experience.We live and we learn..that's what keeps me going on and on..