Monday, June 29, 2009


Have you ever felt totally and completely numb? Numb beyond recognition? So numb that even you can't believe that it is actually you? I have been feeling so these days. Something seems wrong, terribly wrong and it's as if my heart knows that it's coming and preparing me for it before it strikes. I walk through the streets feeling nothing at all, wondering why I'm not happy. I see my friends and don't really feel anything at all. They are so happy to see me and I try, so hard, to feel something but nothing comes. I talk to my partner but I don't feel the same wealth of emotion as I used to. Something is changing and it's happening fast. And somehow, I don't have any idea how to stop it.

Things have stopped affecting me too much. It's as if a switch has been turned off and nothing can turn it off. Perhaps I am thinking too much and perhaps I am not. I wonder what it is that my heart is shielding me from. I hope I am wrong. I really do. Because if I'm not then something bad is about to happen. Something that will change me and my life. For better or for worse, I just don't know.

My heart is silently crying but crying for what, I don't know. Does any of you feel this way ever? Is it just a phase or is something really about to change? I wonder....

Thursday, June 18, 2009


My dear friends and fellow bloggers..

Today I want to dedicate this post to a fellow blogger. Her name is Epasen and she lives in Finland. Her blog is named Living with Sclero.

I would like to begin by saying that there are very few people in this world who have the capacity to touch you deep down and actually stay there. In my case, Epasen is one of them. I never thought that blogging could bring me close to such wonderful people. I first read her blog after she left a comment for my piece on dance. She said we were very similar as individuals but I think that she is a much stronger human being than I can ever be. I didn't know the meaning of sclero till the time I read her blog and googled scleroderma. I was moved beyond words after reading her first post itself. I just knew I had to follow her blog.

About scleroderma-
Scleroderma is a chronic autoimmune disease characterised by hardening in the skin and other organs. There are 2 types- local and systemic. The local type known as MORPHEA although disabling tends not to be fatal while the systemic type can be fatal. This form affects the internal organs along with the skin.

This young lady has accepted sclero as a part of her life and the way she is living with it is commendable. To believe in the best and be positive at all times is the mark of an extremely strong individual. She goes on inspite of everything and unlike the most of us, she brings out the best in her life and doesn't look at sclero from a negative point of view. I am truly inspired by her and always will be. Our problems seem so trivial when I read her posts and I feel as though I have no right to sit and crib ever. She makes me feel like getting up and doing the best in life. Not just sit and crib over what I don't have.

People, I would recommend all of you to read her blog. She has touched me and moved me and I want all of you to see what a strong woman she is.

Three cheers for you Epasen my dear!

Lots of love

Saturday, June 13, 2009


Hey there my dear friends! How have you guys been doing?

Yesterday was my last day at work and we had the finale. There was tension everywhere and the air was tense behind the scenes but that is always the case during any show. It was a success and the tiny tots made me proud. Even the naughtiest ones performed well! Ofcourse we had to dance in front of them and we didn't goof up either! The one thing I was most nervous about was the Yoga and Aerobics. I was the only one to lead them there. No mike, no help, only me on stage with my voice to guide them. I tell you, there was a moment when I could feel all eyes on me and you know what, I loved it! Suddenly there on stage, I knew that I was a performer, be it anywhere and I would perform no matter how much pressure was exerted on me. The feeling was damn good.
My dance show is on 28th this month. Wish me luck guys. I want to blow away everyone this time and give a great performance!