Sunday, May 31, 2009


My dear friends...Good to come back after a short spell.

I have read this book my partner send me and I wanted to share the experience with all of you.
Frankly my dear friends, I'm a hopeless romantic. I love reading romance novels more than anything and romance and love are an integral part of me.
So I start reading the novel and as usual, I'm transported to another world...a world of beauty and love..of kisses and passion..of dreams and desires and you know what..I think I simply love it.
The main characters are Miranda and Jake and what a handful they are! There was this particular scene which has touched me very deeply. Magical is the word for it. Magical is the feeling to describe it. Love..expressed so beautifully was really rare. Sometimes things happen in life. We meet someone and there is an undeniably strong connection from the very beginning. I wonder what sorts of beings we are as we can feel so much beyond any explanation. In that scene, not a word was spoken..only music filled the air and there was no need for any intrusion. The depth of emotion touched me very deeply. A simple kiss by Jake on Miranda's temple and forehead moved me more than any passionate love scene could. It was lovely. The way the author described the connection between two people who hadn't known each other for long, was amazing.
Just holding a loved one close and feeling his/her warmth can give us profound happiness and fulfillment. I thank God for creating love and I thank us for giving such wonderful meaning to it. Just imagine when someone finds the person they have been looking would it feel? How life would transform..slowly and gradually that person would fill your entire being and before you know it, your life has become an intricate part of his and vice versa.
Tell me, is it unreasonable and fanciful to imagine that you will get the man/woman you always wanted? Is it childish to expect that you will? Do people really get the perfect partner or is it just a notion which withers away with time?

Wednesday, May 27, 2009


My computer crashed a few days ago and everything has changed. I didn't know how much of my happiness is related to this machine. All my favourite songs and anime have flown out of window. On top of that after formatting the computer, most of the sites have been blocked by norton!
Is norton even good? I think it is more of a headache really.
Can any of you suggest any better anti virus?
Sigh...everything has come to a standstill without my computer.
Will catch up with all the blogs..hehe..feel so left out in a span of a few days.


Tuesday, May 19, 2009


In comes a little boy with tears in his eyes and crying out for his mom at every moment possible. It's a summer camp with loads of children present and the teacher takes an immediate liking to the crying bundle. She holds him in her arms and slowly, after whispering soothing words in his ears, the poor child's sobs begin to subside. Now here comes the funny part. The sobs subside to such an extent and he begins to enjoy himself so much that he begins to disrupt the enjoyment of the other children. He smiles and laughs at all the wrong things and thinks that by saying sorry everything will be fine. Well, his mother has played a wonderfully important role in that sphere. He turns out to be an attention seeker and it becomes obvious to the teachers that he doesn't have a stable atmosphere at home.
But the teachers love him a lot eventhough he can be a total headache at times. His stubbornness is amazing and annoying! The child has not been taught how to sit quiet and that comes from the fact that the parents have given in to everything that he wanted. Giving too much at too young an age goes a long way in harming the children. He is so used to constant entertainment that it becomes rather trying at times to make him sit quietly.
Then the other day, something happened and the teachers understood perfectly why the child was the way he was. His mother came in and wanted to see his drawing sheet. Unlike other children, his drawing sheet was nothing but a riot of many colours running astray. It was not a pretty sight to see and the mother was very disappointed when she saw that. Then she asked the teachers about him and they told her honestly how he behaved in class. Then something happened which was rather sad. The mother made the child stand up on a chair and told him to say sorry to everyone and said that he needs to be insulted to improve and the teachers thought to wrong can a person think? The child felt very bad and it showed. It's amazing how the feelings of self respect and pride are present in us from this tender age itself. He downright refused to say sorry and ended up crying. Later on it came to be known that he did indeed have an unstable atmosphere at home. He was caught between constant fights and what was the child to do? He will be nothing but a reflection of what he sees around himself and hence came the violent side.
But the teachers were not ready to give up on him. There was an extremely sweet and caring side to the child and they would do all they could to help him. What the child needed was a lot of love and care. That is why he had become an attention seeker. He needed love and was using any means possible to get the attention. Poor child.

Then the teachers, me and my friend, decided not to get angry with him anymore. Today we decided to love him more than usual and see his reaction. Whether he would listen to us or not was a challenge. It was difficult, very difficult. The child himself had no idea how many barriers he has put around himself. But today was a test of our patience too and we did win.
When he was disrupting the work of the other children, I called him close to me and after telling him 4-5 times that he is a good boy and he won't do anything bad, he finally nodded and said ok. He is such a sweetheart! After that he did everything we said. It isn't a great achievement but for me it was. It was lovely to see him happy and quiet without harming other children. What a heart warming sight!
Today was a lovely day because of this incident and I wanted to share it with you all.

Sunday, May 10, 2009


After a long time, today I was able to devote some much needed time to the NGO I had joined.

I woke up all groggy wondering why the hell was the alarm ringing on a sunday morning and then I remembered..the children!
I shrugged off my laziness(with great effort) and got up, got ready and left.
The first thing which warmed my heart was the sight of the children shouting with happiness the moment they saw me and my friend approaching. I had not been there for weeks and they missed me. It was lovely to know that these children remembered me and actually missed me. I silently cursed myself for allowing laziness to creep over me the last time.I cursed dance for making my body too weak to move, but at the end of it, it was my fault.
So, today I came to know that a new system had been introduced. Actually, a much needed one. The children were to be divided on the basis of their age groups and each volunteer was to have 2-3 students and maintain a record of their progress each week. Wonderful. That is exactly what we needed for real progress. 2 hours flew by and I didn't even think of the time till prachi told me to wrap up. I love those children. They are beautiful and when I see the thirst for knowledge in them, I feel like giving them all I have and that I will. I have to go down to the very basics.It was quite obvious that their very foundations are quite weak, but that can be changed with hard work and dedication from both sides and I know we have that.
When it was time to leave, it was nice to know that next week those 4 kids would be waiting for me and I will be helping them. It doesn't matter if there is very little difference..what matters is that there is even SOME difference, for that will pave the way for much more. That is what I believe in and now that I know that those 4 children are my responsibility, there is no question of being lazy!
God I love them! The way they were running after the car, when we were leaving, made me feel sooo I don't know how to express the feeling!
I think things are clearing out and when I was confused, life has made me realize what my priorities are.
I read a piece of a fellow blogger and it made me think. He said that life was all about taking risks and pushing yourself to the maximum limit. The thing is that somethings make you want to push yourself to the limit and some just don't because at the end of it, they don't seem worth the effort.
The answer is before me my dear friends, dance and me myself as life or loving,giving and making a difference in people's life. After today's experience, I'd be blind not to understand what I really want. I guess you all know too what I choose.
I don't want to look at myself in the mirror all my life and JUST think about me. I want to be OUT THERE, among the people, with them, spreading happiness and knowledge. Life will be uncertain once again now, but I guess that is what life really is. UNCERTAINTY WITH CHANGING FACES.
But the difference is that now I know for sure what is worth the effort and what not.

Thursday, May 7, 2009


So my dear friends,
I have made my decision.
I have decided that I will give dance a try and not judge the whole thing on the basis of a few days. If I still feel even after a few months that I'm going in the wrong direction, then end of it!
But for now,I'm going to take up this challenge and it is solely my responsibility to strike a balance in my life and guess what....I'm going to do it!
The road may be narrow and the obstacles may be many, but till the time my loved ones support me and I have faith in myself, nothing can stop me.
Thank you so much all my fellow bloggers for always supporting me and giving me valuable advice.

Monday, May 4, 2009


Life has yet again put me in a dilemma. I can't seem to make sense out of the present state of affairs.
I got selected for probation in the audition and day before yesterday was my first probation class. We had to dance straight for 5 hours and after that my body started protesting. I don't have a lot of stamina and even 2 hours of dancing can make my body ache like anything.
So,I went to the class with an open mind and told myself to simply enjoy it. But things began to change after the first few hours. I can't understand if I'm over reacting or I am just not open enough. The founder of our institution took the class and I must say that he is a fantastic choreographer. But what I couldn't digest was his over emphasis on sex and sexuality for becoming a great dancer. He made rows of students facing each other and one row had to walk sexy in front of the other row. I really can't understand how it adds to our potential as a dancer by just touching ourselves and pulling up our pants.
Am I being silly? Close minded? Perhaps. But I have danced from my heart and I don't feel that by doing such silly things one can actually become a beautiful dancer.
My mind is in turmoil and my heart is in pain. Is this it? Do I have to become somebody I don't want to become for loving dance so much? Do I have to compromise with my beliefs? If so, I doubt I will be able to go on with it for long. On top of that, the next day after class, I was supposed to go the NGO and teach the children and you know what, I didn't even have the strength to get up from bed. My muscles were tense and my body was protesting because it did more than it could handle. The whole day I walked like an old lady with my back bent as I couldn't even stand straight. Even that hurt.
What am I to do? Compromise on what I want to do in the NGO? What about the children? Do I have to leave them to devote more time to MYSELF and MYdance? Will it become all about me? Is that what I want? NO! That's the truth and I can't understand what to do now.
I hope this one year will show me how deep my love for dancing is. I have a feeling I will come to know even before the end of this year. Whatever it may be, I will rest assured that I did try my best and if things work out, fine and if they don't..then I was maybe never even meant for dance.
I hope this turmoil my soul is in doesn't last for long. I don't like my inner equilibrium being disturbed to such an extent.
I have to either open up more or simply leave.
I wonder what it is going to be....

Friday, May 1, 2009


Well, that word is a strong one, don't you think?
What are we? Why are some of us happy individuals? Why are some us totally cynical and unhappy with life? Why are some us romantics while the others are hard core realists? Why?

The answer is experiences. The smallest of experiences can have a profound impact on us. Sometimes I feel that we human beings are such fragile creatures. One incident/experience can shatter us. Another incident can make our lives worth living.

What do we live for? What is the meaning of our existence? Do we come to this world to gain recognition, fame and money? Yes, we do. But how many of us are happy when we come back home and have no one to share that happiness with? What is fame,what is success when we have NO ONE who would appreciate it? The whole world can tell us that we have done a commendable job, but what do we want? We want the love and appreciation of those select few people who have been with us through it all...who mean the whole world to us.
But I sometimes wonder, what about the people who have no one? Do they become bitter , sad or lonely or do they learn to find solace is other things of life? How does it go? There are so many people out there who don't have support of any kind, be it in the form of a family, friends or partner. What about them?

Do they crumble? Does the love inside them get locked up in a shell too difficult to break? Do they become suspicious and refuse to allow anyone to come close to them? Or do they become extremely strong human beings who fear nothing since they have nothing to lose in life?
How does it go? I wonder because I, for one, cannot imagine a life without love.
But who knows, unpredictability is one of the key words associated with life. I am the way I am now because of various experiences,but who knows what life has in store for me.But one thing is for sure...wherever I go, I know I will spread love and that is something no experience can change.