Monday, August 30, 2010


Life can be extremely challenging at times and sometimes it can bring you down with a thud. A thud much louder than you expected. 

I have come to realize a lot of things lately. I realized that I had reached a comfort zone regarding myself as a human being. Oh well, don't we all? We all think that after some time we all know what we really are. But I have found out that this is not the case at all. Sometimes we react in a way we never thought would have been possible to us, sometimes we see things in a way we never thought possible and that is the time to wake up.

It is time for me to wake up. A certain incident in my life has left me with this one thought. I have to find myself again. I have to be with myself. Too often we are too busy trying to make the one's around us happy 'coz their happiness gives us happiness. But what happens when those loved ones stop loving you? What do you do then? You break into a million pieces and it is now time to sit down and see why it happened the way it did. I have realized that I have spend too much time trying to make others happy and when they didn't seem to care either way, I was the one who was dealt a harsh blow. It is time for me to be alone with myself and see what really makes me Deboshree. It's time for me to understand my needs and my dreams instead of worrying about the shattered dreams I built with others.

And sometimes, we need such instances in life to wake us up and do some mental cleaning. It's time for me to make a decision and decide where I want to take my life and what I want to do with it. Rest is all secondary.

I'm wide awake now my friends. I hope you are too.

Sunday, August 1, 2010


Here I am, sitting in front of the laptop at 1:00 AM in the morning.

I just read a post of my fellow bloggy friend, SEARCHING SOUL, where I found that she is indeed confused with what is happening in her life as of now.

This made me think of my position. I feel that many times life deals with you with a certain blow because you needed it. You needed to learn from it and grow into a better and stronger person. I know that not every mishap can have a positive effect but when we rewind our life, we see that all the things somehow, strangely, fit. Just perfectly fit.

I injured my ankle while dancing, tore a ligament actually and am still on break and now I come to know that both my ankles are actually weak and I have to take a lot more calcium. So was this injury good or bad? It let me know something which could have deteriorated to such an extent where I could not have been able to do anything. But now that I know, I know what steps I have to take to bring things back on track.

On top of that, there is a raging fire inside me, burning with an intensity which grows every passing moment. I will never forget what this small injury has taught me. I have learned how lucky I am to dance and all the thoughts about being conscious in front of others or worrying about other people's opinions, is just a lot of shit. Dance is dance. It is YOU. An expression of your inner self and to do it freely is the biggest gift one can have. So, I for one have realized that and because of this injury, I will go back to dancing with a passion which burns much stronger than before and which has gone much deeper. 

Yes, the injury was good. When life comes to such a situation, where you know you may not be able to do something you love, you see what the truth is. You see what matters and what doesn't. You see the truth hidden behind layers of false notions. So when you are given a second chance, you know the true value of what you have. So I thank that someone up there who watches over all of us and has carefully laid down a plan for each of us.

Till then my friends, keep the faith and keep living life to the fullest!

Much love,

Thursday, July 15, 2010

And there she sat, in the cold of the night,
And wept the tears of a lover denied,
But still she waited on that lonely path,
With hope of her lover to come crying back,
And in the starlit night with not another soul in sight,
She finally saw the man she loved,
Yes, that shadow against the pale moonlight was surely his,
That firm tread could only be his,
Those warm brown eyes could only and only be his,
And then came the fulfillment to a heart denied love too long,
And such is the hope for which we lovers shall live.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Just a passing thought...

When you love someone, it's as if you are hit by this storm where you have no idea where things will go because you yourself can't see the rationale behind it. The heart guides you and before you know, its controlling everything, starting from your thoughts down to every single action.

Have you ever noticed the way we unknowingly or unconsciously try to adjust everything according to our partner's happiness? Have you ever noticed that your loved one has more power to change you than anyone else in the world?

I had come here to give my heart some peace. Sometimes, our heart needs an outlet and I have always felt that writing makes things fall into perspective. I wasn't in a very positive frame of mind when I came here but I certainly feel positive now! Granted that the lows can bring us down, but in the journey of love, as I sit here and think, the pain is nothing compared to the garden of heaven which it gifts us with.

A biiiigg hug to all my bloggy friends and lots of love from my way!!

Have a wonderful day filled with love, life and laughter and if the time is trying, believe me when I say that there is always a reason behind things unfolding the way they do. And in the long run, the reason is always for the best.

Monday, June 14, 2010


It's been so long since I last wrote something. Feels like a lifetime. I miss my bloggy friends and more than anything I miss writing!

But today I have to share this something with you. I was feeling really low a while ago. Someone very close to me is going through a very tough phase of life and somehow, his sadness is bringing me down too. You know how it feels when you PERFECTLY understand what the other person is going through and yet there isn't much that you can do other than standing close to that person. For some reason, hope evaded me and believe me, that's happening after quite some time! And then, for the first time I browsed the net for true life inspirational stories. Some of them made me cry, some of them made me smile and some of them made me happy to be alive and well. More than anything, I got the hope I desperately needed. No matter how bad a situation is, there is always a reason behind it and the reason is always such that it makes you stronger as an individual. And in this period I realise the importance of my fellow beings. What am I without the people around me? Seeing miracles around me makes me believe in miracles and because they happen, I want to be the reason to make someone smile just the way someone across the world made me. It's a beautiful feeling, knowing that someone out there is touched by your words and experiences.

So let me share this with you. It is not something big but it gave me the will to fight nonetheless. I have my dance workshop this Sunday and I will be performing two times this time. It will be my first show where I have started my journey as a professional dancer. So, last week, I twisted my ankle and couldn't dance at all. Even walking was sometimes laborious. I went for my classes and sat watching everyone dance. It really pulled me down but guess what, in those moments I realised the beauty and value of the gift I have. I realised how lucky I am to be able to dance and actually express myself the way I want to. This experience made me want to come back with even more zeal than I had before. So I went for my class yesterday with an ankle which hadn't healed fully. But the desire to dance was way stronger, so I decided to give it all I have. But then halfway through the class, someone kicked me in the eye! My contact lens went flying out and I was just super shocked for a moment or two. Yes, I was hurt. Yes, I could have given up. But you know what, that incident made me even more determined to dance. So I danced with one contact lens, an injured ankle and I gave it all I have. By the end of the class, I felt in seventh heaven! I knew that life had tested me and I had done my best. Even though my body was hurting, the pain was sweet. So so sweet. It's the kind of pain you would welcome with open arms 'coz it comes with hard work and determination.

So all my dear friends, all I want to tell you is that hope is never far away. It's just the way we look at it. The moment before you achieve success is the hardest because your patience is tested again and again. But by the very virtue of being a human, all I can say is, the human will can be as strong as we want it to be. If one door closes, it's because a better one is just waiting to be opened! Just because the sun is hidden behind dark clouds, it doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

Have a great day my friends!

Much love,

Thursday, May 20, 2010


I know life is fleeting, so I take what you offer.
I know there is no tomorrow, so I grasp what I have today.
I know love needs no boundaries, so I make none.
I know you will be gone before I know it, so I keep my heart ready for it.
I know you will love me just tonight, so I blot out tomorrow.
I know our love is beautiful, so HERE I AM.
To take and to give, to share and to love, to feel and to see

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

And so it begins...

Oh my!
This post was long overdue!

So people, I have finally started my journey and had my first technique class today.

Yes, dance moves me. Yes, dance makes me Deboshree. Yes, dance IS Deboshree and I so want to give it all I have. I don't just want to dance for myself. I want to reach out and help other people. I want to make a difference and let people see that life can be beautiful if they keep their mind open to possibilities. I want to show them that life is BEAUTIFUL and things can happen the way we want them to happen only if we TRY. The journey of life isn't as hard as many of us make it to be. The walls we build around ourselves are not real. We make them..brick by brick and we give it the name of society. It is so not true. Our life is what WE make it to be.The human will has boundless potential and that is something I have realised with time. So here I am, ready to make the most of it.

The very fact that we are HUMANS is enough to show us that life CAN BE the way we want it to be. And the journey of my life shall be to prove precisely that!

Walk with me!

Much love,

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Some things that make me...ME

Deboshree Roy Chowdhury, 20 years old (wow, when did I get this old?) in her final year of college pursuing dance as a career after a short while. Well, that's me. But somehow, lately, I've been seeing things around me. Seeing that in some way I am different and learning to accept it.

I love my friends and I'll do anything to make them happy. I treat them like family and I NEVER hesitate to show my love no matter what other people might think. Saying goodbye to a friend without a hug is sort of impossible for me.

I'm crazy about love. I think all of this life is but a journey of love where we meet people who change us for life without our even knowing it. Love is what I live for and without it, I'm just not Deboshree anymore. This heart of mine swells with love and sharing it is the only way I know to make sure that my heart doesn't burst open.

I have dreams. Many many dreams. But most of all, I want to make a difference in people's lives. I want them to think of me and smile 'coz I have made them happy in some way or the other. That's all that matters at the end of the day. The joy that ones gets from giving others happiness is incomparable.

I hate lies. I say what I feel and kill me if you want to, but that's the way I am. The truth is the truth. There are no two ways about it.

When I see someone beautiful, be it a stranger or family, I never hesitate to stop that person and tell him/ her exactly how beautiful they are. Who knows, I may have made someone's day! And if I meet someone who is equally beautiful from the inside, I make sure that the person knows about it. Life is too short and not everyone is honest. That much I have seen.

Yes, I believe in past lives. I believe I have come here for a reason and the day that reason ceases to exist, I will cease existing too. I believe that we get what give to the world. The world is nothing but a mirror.

I think people are too keyed up about making good impressions. Shall I let you in on a secret? LET GO!! Life is beautiful and people will love you if you can make them let go too. Freedom is the essence of happiness. Being yourself is the greatest thing!

I am VERY philosophical and sometimes a wee bit too serious. And not all people like that. Not all people think like I do. Not all people THINK as much as I do. But thankfully, there are some who would always listen to me. Thank you for that my dear friends.

I believe that the biggest challenge in life is finding oneself and actually sticking to what you know. It's so easy to forget what you really are and that's sad. I say so 'coz I have been through that myself and I know how it feels. So I always make sure that I am close to myself. Honesty with myself is of utmost importance.

I believe in hope. I believe that we humans have the capacity to face the greatest trials of life and still get up and start walking again. I believe that all of us are connected and if you are reading this, just smile for me. It will make me happy :-)

Just felt like writing my thoughts about myself. Sometimes I have a hard time loving myself and that is another fact I am honest about. But I'm going to change that.

Much love to all my bloggy friends!

Have a great day ahead! ^_^


Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Sweet torment..

And in this world I can hold you,
Love you to my heart's content,
Here fear can fade away and simply disappear,
Dance into an oblivion and forget its origin,
For this world is ours,
Ours to cherish and ours to keep,
It is here that you met me,
And it is here where I shall keep you,
In my very own DREAMWORLD,
So farewell my Prince,
Till you come to torment my dreams...once again.

Monday, April 12, 2010



One part of me yearns for you,
The other shudders at the thought of you coming close,
One part tells me to move on,
While the other one bleeds to death,
There is this conflict raging inside me,
My heart says something else
But my body speaks a different language,
What am I to do?
Ignore one and give in to the other?
But what would that make me?
Just another soul who compromised with her needs,
Just another soul who gave up before the fight started,
Sorry, but I can't give up any one of them,
Forsaking one would mean killing the other,
and that would mean killing myself,
So I've decided to bear the pain now,
and fight for as long as it takes,
I'm better this way and so are you.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

My 100th blog post..

What a journey life is. It's been quite some time since I started blogging and all I can say is that I won't stop. I won't stop this beautiful journey which has given me a chance to meet such lovely people.

Now, let's begin at the beginning.

I came across this newspaper article which said something about blogging being the latest thing to connect people all over the world. At that time, I NEVER thought I myself would be a blogger in a very short while. So I came online and decided to see what this blogging thing was anyway (Yeah, I didn't know a thing about blogging!). I stumbled across a few blogs and just looking at the number of followers had me gaping at them open mouthed!! But as I went on, I saw blogging for what it was and not what I thought it to be. We don't have to be tremendous writers to blog, we don't have to use flowery words to touch someone's heart and reach out. Blogging is all about sharing your thoughts and life experiences and that's what makes it special. Sometimes it's so refreshing to just pen down your thoughts and not worry about what the person might think of them. We are all perfect strangers connected perfectly. JUST in the right way. JUST enough to give eachother hope and faith. I have met people from all over the world and believe me when I say we are NOT that different. All of us have the same heart beating is us, all of us struggle to be where we are, all of us have something to share and a kind word to drop in. All of us are HUMANS and that, in itself,  is enough to connect us. It's such a lovely feeling to know that someone living in some other corner of this world thinks about you and cares enough to drop by and in that one moment, we are one. Lovely, isn't it?

Now coming back to me, I have changed quite a lot from what I used to be. I have matured, I have seen new facets of life, I have seen that life is all about hope and most of all..FAITH!

Nothing can come to pass without faith and that is what I hold onto. After a long time I can see what I want of my life. I can see that dance has come to be my number one priority and call me cynical, I think the journey of life can be rather sad at times. People come and go and when they leave you, you are never the same again. But that's life, isn't it? You meet, you walk together for a while and then you carry on with your journey, just left with a feeling of being touched and moved by someone or by something they said.

So now I would like to thank all my bloggy friends who have made me a richer human being. Money is not wealth. Knowledge is. Love is.

Some people who have really made this blogging journey special, a heartfelt thanks to you- Jenean, Nancy, Sol, Kelly, Ron, John, Sharla and Emmi, thank you for being with me through it all ^_^ You guys really mean a lot to me. YOU ARE SPECIAL.

On this note, I shall end my 100th blog post letting all of you know how much you mean to me.


Much love,

Friday, April 2, 2010


There's something about the night. There's something about this time and hour which makes you feel different somehow. It reaches deep into your soul and brings into light things you've been hiding from all day. Strange how the light of the day shields us and the darkness of the night strips us of all pretences. Ironical. You can't hide when it's night. You can't pretend your problems don't exist 'coz when you're left with yourself, your heart really shows you what you need to see.

While everyone is lost in a world of dreams, here I am, writing my blog and sharing my innermost feelings.

You know, inspite all my inspirational words and thoughts, I sometimes feel that at heart I am NOT so positive after all. I see the negative side to everything and I tend to rationalize things way toooo much! People don't think the way I do. No one THINKS as much as I do. At the end of the day, more than the thoughts, its the action which counts. But then I think to myself, would there be any action in the first place if there were no thoughts to back it? See? I definitely think too much!

Is it me or is this human nature? To want the best but prepare for the worst? I have many dreams, so many hopes and expectations from my life. But then there is a side of me which always thinks in terms of what if. What if this doesn't work out? What if that doesn't turn out the way it was supposed to? What if? But I guess that is human nature, isn't it? And then sometimes I feel stifled. Why can't I just believe and leave it at that. Why do I have to think beyond it and think about the times when my belief and faith are going to be shattered? Why? Why can't I just be happy with faith? Why do I need more? What is it? What is it? There is no answer to that. I am talking to myself. I don't know why I need more and I simply can't find the answer to that.

And now the weirdest part of all? I still hope. I still dream. I still want. I still desire. And inspite of all this negativity which stems from a mind which is too analytical, this heart of mine still dominates me. It is my heart through which I think. When I start following the dictats of my mind I tend to complicate things way too much. So I really hope that this heart of mine doesn't get me into serious trouble 'coz where my mind is too rational, my heart is just as emotional!

So is it just me or do all of you out there feel this jumble of feelings? Do all of you feel torn by two sides within you? Let me know for I don't have an answer to this one.

Monday, March 29, 2010


I was in the 10th grade when I read this book. Needless to say all of you have already heard of it.

GONE WITH THE WIND written by Margaret Mitchell is by far one of the best books I have EVER read. Written in the backdrop of the American Civil War (1861-1865), the book portrays the journey of a young Southern woman who stands up in this time of crisis and makes a place for herself in the chaos surrounding her. This is a book which shows the truth about war, the large scale destruction and loss of human lives and the gruesome after effects which scar the human soul for all time to come. In the midst of such a world, Scarlett O Hara, born and brought up in the Southern County with all the comforts a human could imagine, is suddenly faced with poverty. How this lovely, self willed and strong woman brings back life to her ruined land of TARA is the main theme of the book. All through this journey, she suffers as a human being who is a victim of unrequitted love. The one man she thought she loved married his cousin Melanie and refused to be with her. Although there are signs of weakness in Ashley's behaviour, he refrains from giving in to her. All through, sweet and kind Melanie loves the selfish Scarlett to death. Such is the irony of life. Scarlett becomes a woman who married only for convenience and not love. She even went on to snatch her sister's man, Frank Kennedy, for procuring the money needed to pay taxes for Tara. All through this ruinous journey, our amused Rhett Butler just watches Scarlett and falls for her with every passing day. No two people could have been more similar than them and no two people could be as ruthless, mercenary and selfish as them. Rhett knew that and loved her for what she was. But stubborn Scarlett could never see the truth even though it was presented to her on a silver platter. Finally when she marries Rhett after 2 marriages, she finds married bliss. But fool that she is, she couldn't see that. Until it was too late. Simply TOO late. By the time she understood how much she loved him, he had reached the very limit of his endurance.
Gone with the wind is one book which will always stand as an epic love story and it is the very ending which makes it epic.
I read the sequel SCARLETT, but it was nothing compared to Gone with the wind. Although Scarlett and Rhett come back together by the end of the second book, I feel that it will always be the first book which will leave an indelible impression on the reader's mind.

I watched the movie a few days ago. 5 years after reading the book. Yeah, I know it's a looong time.
As the movie began and scene after scene unfolded right in front of my eyes, the book became a living thing. Memories came flooding back, familiar but vague feelings swamped me again. Scarlett'O Hara's beauty struck me once again, Melanie's nature touched my heart once again, Ashley's behaviour exasperated me once again and Rhett Butler, he took my heart away..once again.
The book was a journey, a journey which can be parallelled by no other book. But the movie, the movie was an EXPERIENCE. The old world, the lovely charm, the warm cocoon of beauty and soft music.....all gone, never to come back again. All in the name of war.

For all of you who haven't watched the movie, go watch it this very instant! It is an....enriching experience!!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Just an idea...

My dear bloggy friends, I have contemplated writing a novel for a looong time. But lazy as we are, I have always left things mid-way. This time, I want to change that.
The thing about my writing is that it is purely based on imagination. It's a work of imagination. I'm guided by the pen. I don't guide it. I start with no idea in my head, but after a while, the pen becomes a living thing and tells me what to write.
Here is a excerpt from the story. Do give me an honest opinion for I will take all the criticism constructively and try to improve on it.

" The morning sun rose high in the sky, shining with all its beauty and splendor. The mountains seemed to be its shield, protecting its beauty, guarding and enhancing it at the same time.

There in the midst of all this splendor stood a girl with her head held high and her back straight. Not challenging Nature but respecting it and showing her pride in being a part of this world which was home to her. The wind was strong and her chestnut mane flew all around her oval face but she stood firm on the hill she considered her very own.. Her hazel eyes stood out in her face and her wheatish complexion only seemed to enhance their beauty and strength. The wind grew stronger and automatically her hand flew to her left cheek where the gash of a childhood incident still remained. It covered the whole length of her left cheek and instead of making her look ugly, it stood as the trophy of a warrior. A warrior who had fought from a very young age and had actually lived to tell the story. It was her pride and a constant reminder of who she was.

She looked around and fancied that she could hear every sound around her. She closed her eyes and the let her senses take over. She could hear the mild but insistent flow of the stream below, the constant chirping of the birds all around her, the distant roar of the lions, and voices of her fellow beings in the distance. Their voices were almost like whispers and she knew that they must be chattering away quite loudly to be heard all the way here on this distant mountain.

Situated among the dense forests, Hatua Village was more like a town where everyone knew everyone and the whole place was like a big home. The general air was filled with love and warmth. Courage and honour were the guiding principles of the Hatuan people and that was one of the major reasons which earned them the respect and admiration of people coming from all over. These people produced the best archers whose skill couldn’t be paralleled by any other villager and it was a matter of great pride for them. It was said that every Hatuan child was born with a bow and arrow in hand. It was in their blood.

Brought up in such an atmosphere, Cynthia came to treasure the virtues of courage, honesty and honor. Her will to fight and stand up for her people dominated her personality.

A hatuan man/woman NEVER backed away from his/ her words. Turning away from their word was a betrayal of the worst kind tantamount only to murder. And the punishment for such a betrayal was immediate prosecution. The word of the Chief was final and nothing could change his view once things were decided and the verdict given.

Breaking free of her deep reverie, she once again gazed at the scene in front of her and was once again amazed by the beauty all around her. She had grown up as a child who loved nature and was guided by it. She knew every river, every plant, every stream that flowed through their village. She didn’t treat the land as a dead thing but felt for it and all its creatures. The beauty of nature never failed to move her. There wasn’t a morning when she didn’t wake up without looking forward to seeing the sunrise. This morning was no exception at all.

Then suddenly she opened her eyes……

And she was back again.Alannah once again....."

Thursday, March 18, 2010


I gaze at the distant sky and a strange feeling envelops me,
 A strong yearning to bring back all that has been,
To relive the moments I took so for granted,
I see fleeting thoughts of a lovely yesterday,
Bittersweet memories of all that has been,
 A reluctance to leave behind this haven of warmth and love,
A desire to prolong every minute,
What would you call this?
The END of a life changing experience.

P.S. - This post is dedicated to the end of my college years

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Twisted, crazy and oh so human!

A few truths about human nature. Correct me if I'm wrong for I speak from my experiences and wonder if I am getting too cynical at times-

- One can't be truly happy for someone else till the time that person is secure in his/her own happiness.

- A person who can help others has already helped himself on more than one occasion.

- We feel sad for a friend who stays behind us but at the time it hurts more when the same friend goes ahead and we are the one left standing behind.

- Sometimes, just sometimes this rational mind of ours LOVES to lose control and do something so uncharacteristic that even we ourselves are left shocked! But the truth is, we just need to let go at times!


- We can NEVER do anything in isolation. To bring out the best in us, we need this competition which strengthens our desire to explore our innermost potentials and build upon them. We need each other through success and failure..through it all.

- Life is empty without love (atleast for me) and without our loved ones around us, our soul will be starved of the nourishment it needs. I, for one, feel that all of us need love to thrive.

P.S- Wonder how so many things came to me in one go. But they did and I would like to know what you think about it.

Much love,

Saturday, March 6, 2010


Just yesterday something happened which disturbed me to quite some extent.

The lady who accompanies me to my dance class broke down in front of me and I just didn't know what to say.
What can one say when you're dealing with someone so disillusioned with life? She is 34 and I am 20 and I am sure she has seen more of life than I have but it just sounded so sad.

All her life she compromised on herself. First 'coz of her family and then later for her husband. And what is the end result? She ends up a person who is thoroughly dissatisfied with life and herself. Not only is she dissappointed with life, but is cynical and suspicious about people. She thinks that something bad is always lurking around the corner just to grab her. Lord I tried to tell her not to think this way! I told her that she would be willing ill fortune on herself if she thought that way. But you know what she said? She said that Deboshree, all these words amount to nothing when you have lived a life like me where my parents hated me and called me a good for nothing and then I find a  husband who doesn't know the first thing about love.

And I was silenced. What could I say to this woman to make her feel better? Her demons have consumed her and she is bitter now. Can anything be sadder than this? To live a life where every dream, every desire is thwarted even before it can explore its potential. I just hope she finds a reason to follow her dreams again. I never think it's too late. If one wills, things can change and will change. I just hope she finds the much needed inspiration to do that.

I talk to her and I find myself a person who is very idealistic. But what can I do? I am made that way and I would not change it for anyone. Even if I have to face failure, I would rather face it with hope than sit and mope.

One pact I make with myself, right here and now- I won't compromise with myself . I won't settle for second best 'coz if I do, I will not just ruin my life but also of the people around me. I want my life to be guided by inspiration, not compromises. I can be a source of inspiration for others only when I follow my own dreams and make them happen.

So let's follow our dreams and be what we REALLY want to, for without that, we are living nothing but half a life.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

The moment I need...

A moment ago I thought I was fine,
A moment ago I thought life was good,
A moment ago I had my peace of mind,
A moment ago my heart was with me,
A moment ago you were with me.

Sunday, February 28, 2010


1 am in the morning.

Strange how things start to clear up once you make up your mind.
Things are unfolding..slowly..but clearly, giving me a deeper glimpse of the kind of person I really am.

When I was young, I wanted to be a teacher and when I grew older, I started to love dance. But never did I dream of taking it up professionally. Hell, I didn't even know it's scope until two years ago! But now I know and I realise that I am just not the kind of person who can be happy doing something mechanical. I can NEVER imagine myself in a completely formal atmosphere where people have to be very careful about what they are saying. That just ain't my style. It feels nice to know that the path I have chosen is one which is based solely on expression. Dance is the expression of one's innermost feelings, feelings which might have been left unexpressed had I taken another path in life.

I realise that this period in my life will be the one which will determine much of my future and I'm rather excited to be honest.

At the end of the day, all of us are little children, following our dreams or atleast trying to follow them and making the best of them in a world where everyone is too busy growing up. I, for one, am quite happy saying that I'm about to take up dance because I simply love it and enjoy it. I sincerely hope that the child within me doesn't die in a quest to be the best. If I ever do forget, I hope you (my bloggy friends) will remind me why I started this journey in the first place.

The story of my life is about to reach a crucial stage and I'm glad I'm the author of this story:-)

Friday, February 26, 2010

Touched by an Angel called A

Yes, this is about you. I know you will read this sooner or later and this is the only way I can say what I feel.
I know you are hurting and believe me when I say, I'm hurting too. But this was the only way to go. I can't even call you my love anymore. You aren't mine anymore to say that.

Know this and keep it in your heart. The way I have loved you I can love no one else. The way YOU have loved me, no one ever will. You have made me whole in a way you will never know.I hope I have made you whole too. You healed this heart of mine and filled it with so much love that I still believe in it. I still believe and I will continue believing. That's the gift you have given me. For life.

You came into my life and changed everything. You were my angel. My love who helped me to become the Deboshree I am today. You were the warmth I needed, you gave me the love my heart desired and gave me more than I ever expected. Yes A, I will NEVER forget you. I will never forget what you have given me. I hope I have loved you enough. I hope you will not lose faith. I hope that you remember what I told you and believe in it, for I meant every word.

We met for a reason and eventhough my heart is bleeding right now, I know that our time together has come to an end. Yes, I am crying. I know you are too but I wish you ALL the happiness life can offer. Touch the sky and be what you have always wanted to be. Do it for me. That's the last thing I ask of you.

I wonder if I'll be able to love again but it doesn't matter anymore. A, you made me believe in myself. You gave me the will to try again and do things in life. I will never forget that. PLEASE don't forget what I have given you. Remember that you are a WONDERFUL man and nothing can change that. Thank you A. Thank you for loving me unconditionally. You will get the best in life. Nothing can change that.

I will always love you. But please move on A. That's what I am trying too. Be happy please.

You were my angel. You touched my heart and I'll never be the same again.

Farewell A.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

And I'm back...

Hello people!!

Did anyone miss me? (Doesn't seem so :P)
Well, I certainly missed blogging and all my bloggy friends!
I had gone to Bombay for a week to meet my man. Going to Bombay has cleared up my mind in a way I never imagined. Things became clearer and finally fell into perspective. Life is sooo unpredictable. One moment we are sooo unsure and the next moment, everything is there for you to see!!
Such is life. 
Everytime I meet my partner, it's as if we have to start from scratch. It's long distance and rather trying at times. It's a challenge for us with every passing day but all I can say is that we'll fight. Fight 'coz we love each other too much. It would be easy to give up but ten times harder to live without each other. Wish us the best for the future!
On the other hand, I have finally made a decision. I'm going to be a professional dancer. I may get injured and there is a huge risk in this field, but this is the only field with my heart in it. On top of that, I can always resume my studies later on but every year is precious for me if I choose dance now. I know it's bloody hard, but what the hell? If I love it, I doubt it will seem so hard.
It's taken me a long time to realise what I finally want. But now that I know what it is, I feel sooo relieved!

Lots of love

Friday, February 12, 2010

P.S. I love you

Now this is coming straight from the heart.
I just watched P.S.- I love you and guess what, it's beautiful!
Not because it has some fairytale ending but because it is just so true! Life ain't easy, but then nothing worth the effort ever is.
We all live and love and it is foolish to say that we won't love again after we lose a loved one. Our heart is too big and we are nothing but a fish out of a pond without love to feed upon.
I'm not doing a very good job of expressing myself here but it's just that I am so moved. Right now, I don't care about my words being beautiful or anything. All I want to do is share what I am feeling. Not everything has to be beautifully expressed. Sometimes it's just beautiful to feel.

One thing is for sure, it is not about being faithful to a memory, but being faithful to the person when he is alive and living next to you.
Just to make the one you love feel special, just so he KNOWS, go ahead this minute and tell that person how much you love him/her! That's sure as hell where I am heading!

P.S.- I love you

P.P.S- Irish men are damn sexy!

Sunday, February 7, 2010


Forbidden though you are,
it doesn't stop me from thinking about you.
Forbidden though you are,
it doesn't stop me from dreaming about you.
Forbidden though you are,
my heart still yearns for you.
Forbidden though you are,
My body cries out for you.
Though I have never seen you,
I know I have known you.
In a way words can't explain,
In a way only the heart understands.
And because you are forbidden,
You are infinitely more sweet than everything attainable.
I know you are not within my reach,
But that doesn't mean I have stopped wanting you.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010


A slight change,
Barely even noticable,
Barely even understandable,
But a change nevertheless,
Her heart is soaring,
Her spirit is rising,
Her passion is burning,
The walls are cracking,
But why is she fighting so hard?
Why is she holding onto something that has to go?
Because this transitory road is not without its obstacles,
The unknown is what scares the soul,
But she can hide no longer,
For the time to wake up has come,
Now before her eyes the walls have smashed,
The passion within has soared uncontrollably,
Consuming her with an intensity too powerful to fight,
Now all she can do is give in,
And become the passion HERSELF,
For she is no longer a child,

Friday, January 29, 2010


Tenderly I say,
It's a gift, not something to be taken for granted,
It's a blessing, not something to be crushed,
It is to be cherished, nurtured,
Let it grow wings of its own,
Let it discover a life of its own,
Let it explore its own potential,
Don't judge it before you give it chance to taste freedom.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

26th January- Republic Day celebrations at Pehal!

Never before did Republic Day hold such meaning for me.
Republic Day celebrated at Pehal (our NGO) was one of the best events ever! The children are amazing and it was lovely to see how happy they were! More than that, it was soo very encouraging to see that all the parents showed up to see their children! It was a heart warming sight to see that all the efforts put in by the volunteers finally paid off.
Pehal is an initiative to educate the children of migrating workers who fail to admit their children to school due to the nature of their work and their limited wages. Our project will come to an end when the construction in this site is finished. But what we hope for is that the parents can see the importance of education for their children before our time with them expires. So let's work for the best and give all we can.

So here is a glimpse of the day that was-

 Our chief guest, Uttam sir who has taken the initiative of teaching the children, stands beside the Indian Flag to tell his beloved students what Republic Day stands for.

Republic Day Decorations

The team spirit

Our tiny tots with their parents in the audience

Sunday, January 24, 2010


Yes, life is strange. Yes, life is unexpected. Yes, it baffles me. Yes, it is testing me at every turn!

Just a few days ago my dance instructor offered me probation once again! I can't describe how it feels when such great dancers tell you that you have it in you. When he asked me to do probation, he didn't have any idea that I was offered probation once before and that experience had been ghastly to say the least. But this time he sat with me and told me he would be there for me. He said he would be my mentor and sincerely wanted me to join probation. I was elated and I wanted to try again. But then the previous experience came to my mind, crowding my already unsure mind and making me fumble. I know I have it in me and just when I decided that I will try again, something else happens.
I saw my TISS result today and guess what, I qualified!! That is by no means the end of it. I have to pass the group discussion AND the personal interview and they are the hardest part. But I had not expected to qualify at all! To be very honest, I hadn't prepared one bit and the test was difficult. Well, I guess something short of a miracle has happened.

But will I feel the same happiness that I feel while I'm dancing? Will I feel alive with EVERY pore of my being? Will I laugh like crazy and let go and just enjoy life? Development studies doesn't seem to make way for anything like that.

Some of my friends have made me understand how important it is to follow my dreams and passions. Only that way can I be happy and successful in life. I sincerely thank them for being there for me.

I know the time is coming, the time I have been waiting for. I can sense the change. I know something life changing is about to take place in a matter of a few months. I just hope my heart knows well enough which path to choose.
Wish me luck people!!


Monday, January 18, 2010

How sure can you be?

I watched Revolutionary Road ( starring Kate Winslet and Leonardo Dicaprio) day before yesterday and I still can't figure out if I liked the movie or not. It was an eye opener to say the least. It showed the most common mistake man does and then sits down and regrets why he did it all his life.

But it certainly made me think a lot of things. Such thoughts come to all of us but do we really listen to it or chicken out and deceive ourselves?

Brian Weiss had once said that Fate and freewill go hand in hand and that is one thing I have always believed in. Life will give you the opprotunities, it will test your strength at the most inopportune moments and unless you can see it, it will just pass you by and you will not even notice until its too late.

Money, the one thing which blinds us so very completely and thoroughly that many a times we lose touch with what we really wanted to be. And what for? That extre bank balance. I am not saying that life is all hunky dory without a good income. I don't come from a very rich family myself and we have seen quite a few tough times and that has made me realise that although money is a very important something, it can NEVER be everything!

Watching Revolutionary Road, I made a pact with myself. I will NEVER EVER waste my time in a job which doesn't make me happy. Even if it pays like hell. I would much rather do something which doesn't pay so much but makes me whole instead. There is no end to the things money can buy and I know we all need material comforts, but let's be honest with ourselves and see beyond that. There is a beautiful world beyond that, just waiting for us to discover it and making the most of it.

I asked myself a very important question during the movie. I didn't take up the offer of becoming a professional dancer and making it my life. And why is that? It's 'coz I wasn't sure. So tell me, how sure can we be? We are human beings and by nature unstable. Sometimes we are so sure about something and the next time we'll be wondering if what we did was the right thing. So is there actually anything like being totally and completely sure? Maybe I don't know if there is. Help me with this, will you?

So the question sure can we be? I think it is never. Perhaps life is all about taking chances and if it works out, well and good and if it doesn't, we move on, right? So did I do a mistake by not taking up dance simply 'coz I wasn't 100% sure?

How many of you have been completely sure about the life changing decisions you all have taken?

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

You silly little girl..don't you know there is NO one like you?

A few days ago when I was in a not so good state of mind, everything seemed to be going wrong and life was nothing but a total mess. I could see myself crumbling to pieces and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Nothing at all. Except ofcourse cry my heart out which I was doing without a break! As I had mentioned in my previous post, the distance was getting unbearble, but staying away altogether proved to be even more unbearable! I couldn't think of living without him. What am I without him? My life is empty without his presence and so I realised after I almost broke up with him! Talk about being an idiot!

So..what do I do when I'm in pieces and have an exam the next day? CALL NEHA! My best friend. She is someone I can always rely on. I know she will be there for me whenever I need her and that's why she is so special. She MAKES time.

 Her presence was like a warm blanket in the freezing cold and she was my only shelter in a storm that threatened to engulf me altogether. When I called her saying what happened, she simply came. No questions, no excuses. She just came to me. That's what I call friendship.

She stayed back and helped me study. I can say without a doubt that I would have flunked without her. Things were sorted out between me and my partner and I could finally study, but it was almost evening by then!

Thankfully, both Neha and me are pursuing the same course. Or else lord knows what would have happened. My dearest Neha, tired after giving her own exam that day, slept beside me while I studied. Little did she know how much love I felt for her when I saw her lying there beside me. She is a true friend and I am so very thankful to have her. My fierce, loyal and warm hearted Neha.....she worries that someone else might take her place in my heart. Silly girl. She has no idea what she means to me. Even in high school when I was an impulsive and crazy kid, she was the one who stood by me through it all. Whenever I needed to cry, she would offer her shoulder, whenever I would need reassurance, she would be there to stand by me. She has given me so much love. I just hope that I can be there for her whenever she needs me.

Saturday, January 9, 2010


It's been two and a half years now. Two and a half years of loving, holding on, fighting, fighting so hard and being thankful at the end of the day. Never did we let things stay sore for too long. Never did we leave a fight unresolved. Never.
But things seem to be changing now. It's as if it's not the same anymore. Something's changed. I don't know what exactly it is but it is happening nevertheless. It's as if we are drifting and it really doesn't make a huge difference.
We are two people living in two different cities who fell in love over the net and have met 3 times in the past two and a half years. Yes, it's hard. Yes, it's been worth and no, I can NEVER ever in a thousand years regret falling in love with him.
He is the one person who changed my life and made me what I am today. I wasn't confident. Not at all. I didn't take chances. I didn't dare to step out of the shell I had created around myself. I didn't UNDERSTAND people as much as I do. Basically, I wasn't who I am right now. He taught me not to be judgemental, he taught me that love doesn't judge, love cares, love nurtures,silently understands and  demands nothing but love in return. I have no words to show how thankful I am. He loved me when most people wouldn't even THINK of loving me.

Today when I have changed so much, he tells me..Deboshree, you will fly really high. You will reach great heights and really be someone. And that makes me cry...because when I was a simple nobody with no dreams and ambitions, he taught me to fly and today he makes me feel that I will go ahead of him. Beat that!

The saddest part is that I feel we are drifting and things are about to change and I really can't do anything to change them. Maybe I know we will not last, maybe the distance is getting to me, but whatever it is, it makes me sad. Very sad.

All I can say is that I have loved him with all I am and I still do, but sometimes the distance is just too hard to bear. But I will hold on, I'll hold on till the very last minute if that's what it takes. Let's just hope our patience  doesn't wear out. Yes, hope is all that I have at this moment.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

A clouded mind..

And I look at this and think...Sadness is beautiful.

Monday, January 4, 2010


Something tells me things will change,
something tells me there's something round the corner,
standing there silently, waiting for me to arrive,
to show me a path I could never conceive,
I'm walking, walking towards it,
my eyes are bright, my heart is ready,
but my mind is blank,
for as long as I have known myself,
I have seen through the heart.

It's been there for quite some time now and I still can't figure out what it is. But it is there and it's getting stronger. Perhaps I feel so because deep down I WANT something to change. I want my life to take a new turn. I want to see and experience things I never have. Perhaps my dreams are guiding me. Perhaps I just want to fly.