Friday, April 2, 2010


There's something about the night. There's something about this time and hour which makes you feel different somehow. It reaches deep into your soul and brings into light things you've been hiding from all day. Strange how the light of the day shields us and the darkness of the night strips us of all pretences. Ironical. You can't hide when it's night. You can't pretend your problems don't exist 'coz when you're left with yourself, your heart really shows you what you need to see.

While everyone is lost in a world of dreams, here I am, writing my blog and sharing my innermost feelings.

You know, inspite all my inspirational words and thoughts, I sometimes feel that at heart I am NOT so positive after all. I see the negative side to everything and I tend to rationalize things way toooo much! People don't think the way I do. No one THINKS as much as I do. At the end of the day, more than the thoughts, its the action which counts. But then I think to myself, would there be any action in the first place if there were no thoughts to back it? See? I definitely think too much!

Is it me or is this human nature? To want the best but prepare for the worst? I have many dreams, so many hopes and expectations from my life. But then there is a side of me which always thinks in terms of what if. What if this doesn't work out? What if that doesn't turn out the way it was supposed to? What if? But I guess that is human nature, isn't it? And then sometimes I feel stifled. Why can't I just believe and leave it at that. Why do I have to think beyond it and think about the times when my belief and faith are going to be shattered? Why? Why can't I just be happy with faith? Why do I need more? What is it? What is it? There is no answer to that. I am talking to myself. I don't know why I need more and I simply can't find the answer to that.

And now the weirdest part of all? I still hope. I still dream. I still want. I still desire. And inspite of all this negativity which stems from a mind which is too analytical, this heart of mine still dominates me. It is my heart through which I think. When I start following the dictats of my mind I tend to complicate things way too much. So I really hope that this heart of mine doesn't get me into serious trouble 'coz where my mind is too rational, my heart is just as emotional!

So is it just me or do all of you out there feel this jumble of feelings? Do all of you feel torn by two sides within you? Let me know for I don't have an answer to this one.


Trish and Rob MacGregor said...

Sometimes, I think we all think too much. Try the Abraham/Hicks technique of using your emotions as a barometer of where your life is at the moment. If you feel gloomy, reach for a better thought, a better feeling.

word verification? defie! - de-fy!

oximoron said...

Oh! Aurora Borealis from Suomi! I very love it!!!!

epasen said...

You need the contrast to feel alive my love. It's just that simple.
XXX Emmi

Deboshree said...

@Trish and Rob-
Thanks for dropping by. I will try this technique.
Hope is what I hold onto when such thoughts invade my mind.

@Oximoron- I didn't know about Auroras! Had no idea that my picture depicted that! Thank you for saying so for I have learnt something new from that! ^_^

@Emmi- Oh sweetheart! You are WONDERFUL!! Always give me hope and show me what life is really about. Love you babe.

AubintheDark said...

Hmm, reminds me of a time when we first chatted and you were so wonderfully vague. This is indeed a jumble of thoughts. But maybe sometimes it is good to put thoughts aside, and start doing something. Philosophy only does so much. I do understand what goes on in your mind. I guess you were born to be confused and find the meaning in chaos. Don't add to it though. Keep things simple and you can tackle everything.

Deboshree said...

@Aubin-dono- Damn right you are. Sometimes it's just better to go ahead and do things. But these thoughts were just bothering me for a long time and writing them down was the best thing I could do.
As for making sense in the chaos surrounding me, believe me when I say I will.

Love you,

Nancy said...

Yes, we do.

Trish and Rob have good advice. I've been using this method. - I found it in the book "The Vortex" by Abraham/Hicks.

Deboshree said...

@Nancy- Good to know I'm not alone here!
Thanks for dropping by Nancy. I read about the technique and I think it will definitely help :-D