Friday, January 29, 2010


Tenderly I say,
It's a gift, not something to be taken for granted,
It's a blessing, not something to be crushed,
It is to be cherished, nurtured,
Let it grow wings of its own,
Let it discover a life of its own,
Let it explore its own potential,
Don't judge it before you give it chance to taste freedom.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

26th January- Republic Day celebrations at Pehal!

Never before did Republic Day hold such meaning for me.
Republic Day celebrated at Pehal (our NGO) was one of the best events ever! The children are amazing and it was lovely to see how happy they were! More than that, it was soo very encouraging to see that all the parents showed up to see their children! It was a heart warming sight to see that all the efforts put in by the volunteers finally paid off.
Pehal is an initiative to educate the children of migrating workers who fail to admit their children to school due to the nature of their work and their limited wages. Our project will come to an end when the construction in this site is finished. But what we hope for is that the parents can see the importance of education for their children before our time with them expires. So let's work for the best and give all we can.

So here is a glimpse of the day that was-

 Our chief guest, Uttam sir who has taken the initiative of teaching the children, stands beside the Indian Flag to tell his beloved students what Republic Day stands for.

Republic Day Decorations

The team spirit

Our tiny tots with their parents in the audience

Sunday, January 24, 2010


Yes, life is strange. Yes, life is unexpected. Yes, it baffles me. Yes, it is testing me at every turn!

Just a few days ago my dance instructor offered me probation once again! I can't describe how it feels when such great dancers tell you that you have it in you. When he asked me to do probation, he didn't have any idea that I was offered probation once before and that experience had been ghastly to say the least. But this time he sat with me and told me he would be there for me. He said he would be my mentor and sincerely wanted me to join probation. I was elated and I wanted to try again. But then the previous experience came to my mind, crowding my already unsure mind and making me fumble. I know I have it in me and just when I decided that I will try again, something else happens.
I saw my TISS result today and guess what, I qualified!! That is by no means the end of it. I have to pass the group discussion AND the personal interview and they are the hardest part. But I had not expected to qualify at all! To be very honest, I hadn't prepared one bit and the test was difficult. Well, I guess something short of a miracle has happened.

But will I feel the same happiness that I feel while I'm dancing? Will I feel alive with EVERY pore of my being? Will I laugh like crazy and let go and just enjoy life? Development studies doesn't seem to make way for anything like that.

Some of my friends have made me understand how important it is to follow my dreams and passions. Only that way can I be happy and successful in life. I sincerely thank them for being there for me.

I know the time is coming, the time I have been waiting for. I can sense the change. I know something life changing is about to take place in a matter of a few months. I just hope my heart knows well enough which path to choose.
Wish me luck people!!


Monday, January 18, 2010

How sure can you be?

I watched Revolutionary Road ( starring Kate Winslet and Leonardo Dicaprio) day before yesterday and I still can't figure out if I liked the movie or not. It was an eye opener to say the least. It showed the most common mistake man does and then sits down and regrets why he did it all his life.

But it certainly made me think a lot of things. Such thoughts come to all of us but do we really listen to it or chicken out and deceive ourselves?

Brian Weiss had once said that Fate and freewill go hand in hand and that is one thing I have always believed in. Life will give you the opprotunities, it will test your strength at the most inopportune moments and unless you can see it, it will just pass you by and you will not even notice until its too late.

Money, the one thing which blinds us so very completely and thoroughly that many a times we lose touch with what we really wanted to be. And what for? That extre bank balance. I am not saying that life is all hunky dory without a good income. I don't come from a very rich family myself and we have seen quite a few tough times and that has made me realise that although money is a very important something, it can NEVER be everything!

Watching Revolutionary Road, I made a pact with myself. I will NEVER EVER waste my time in a job which doesn't make me happy. Even if it pays like hell. I would much rather do something which doesn't pay so much but makes me whole instead. There is no end to the things money can buy and I know we all need material comforts, but let's be honest with ourselves and see beyond that. There is a beautiful world beyond that, just waiting for us to discover it and making the most of it.

I asked myself a very important question during the movie. I didn't take up the offer of becoming a professional dancer and making it my life. And why is that? It's 'coz I wasn't sure. So tell me, how sure can we be? We are human beings and by nature unstable. Sometimes we are so sure about something and the next time we'll be wondering if what we did was the right thing. So is there actually anything like being totally and completely sure? Maybe I don't know if there is. Help me with this, will you?

So the question sure can we be? I think it is never. Perhaps life is all about taking chances and if it works out, well and good and if it doesn't, we move on, right? So did I do a mistake by not taking up dance simply 'coz I wasn't 100% sure?

How many of you have been completely sure about the life changing decisions you all have taken?

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

You silly little girl..don't you know there is NO one like you?

A few days ago when I was in a not so good state of mind, everything seemed to be going wrong and life was nothing but a total mess. I could see myself crumbling to pieces and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Nothing at all. Except ofcourse cry my heart out which I was doing without a break! As I had mentioned in my previous post, the distance was getting unbearble, but staying away altogether proved to be even more unbearable! I couldn't think of living without him. What am I without him? My life is empty without his presence and so I realised after I almost broke up with him! Talk about being an idiot!

So..what do I do when I'm in pieces and have an exam the next day? CALL NEHA! My best friend. She is someone I can always rely on. I know she will be there for me whenever I need her and that's why she is so special. She MAKES time.

 Her presence was like a warm blanket in the freezing cold and she was my only shelter in a storm that threatened to engulf me altogether. When I called her saying what happened, she simply came. No questions, no excuses. She just came to me. That's what I call friendship.

She stayed back and helped me study. I can say without a doubt that I would have flunked without her. Things were sorted out between me and my partner and I could finally study, but it was almost evening by then!

Thankfully, both Neha and me are pursuing the same course. Or else lord knows what would have happened. My dearest Neha, tired after giving her own exam that day, slept beside me while I studied. Little did she know how much love I felt for her when I saw her lying there beside me. She is a true friend and I am so very thankful to have her. My fierce, loyal and warm hearted Neha.....she worries that someone else might take her place in my heart. Silly girl. She has no idea what she means to me. Even in high school when I was an impulsive and crazy kid, she was the one who stood by me through it all. Whenever I needed to cry, she would offer her shoulder, whenever I would need reassurance, she would be there to stand by me. She has given me so much love. I just hope that I can be there for her whenever she needs me.

Saturday, January 9, 2010


It's been two and a half years now. Two and a half years of loving, holding on, fighting, fighting so hard and being thankful at the end of the day. Never did we let things stay sore for too long. Never did we leave a fight unresolved. Never.
But things seem to be changing now. It's as if it's not the same anymore. Something's changed. I don't know what exactly it is but it is happening nevertheless. It's as if we are drifting and it really doesn't make a huge difference.
We are two people living in two different cities who fell in love over the net and have met 3 times in the past two and a half years. Yes, it's hard. Yes, it's been worth and no, I can NEVER ever in a thousand years regret falling in love with him.
He is the one person who changed my life and made me what I am today. I wasn't confident. Not at all. I didn't take chances. I didn't dare to step out of the shell I had created around myself. I didn't UNDERSTAND people as much as I do. Basically, I wasn't who I am right now. He taught me not to be judgemental, he taught me that love doesn't judge, love cares, love nurtures,silently understands and  demands nothing but love in return. I have no words to show how thankful I am. He loved me when most people wouldn't even THINK of loving me.

Today when I have changed so much, he tells me..Deboshree, you will fly really high. You will reach great heights and really be someone. And that makes me cry...because when I was a simple nobody with no dreams and ambitions, he taught me to fly and today he makes me feel that I will go ahead of him. Beat that!

The saddest part is that I feel we are drifting and things are about to change and I really can't do anything to change them. Maybe I know we will not last, maybe the distance is getting to me, but whatever it is, it makes me sad. Very sad.

All I can say is that I have loved him with all I am and I still do, but sometimes the distance is just too hard to bear. But I will hold on, I'll hold on till the very last minute if that's what it takes. Let's just hope our patience  doesn't wear out. Yes, hope is all that I have at this moment.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

A clouded mind..

And I look at this and think...Sadness is beautiful.

Monday, January 4, 2010


Something tells me things will change,
something tells me there's something round the corner,
standing there silently, waiting for me to arrive,
to show me a path I could never conceive,
I'm walking, walking towards it,
my eyes are bright, my heart is ready,
but my mind is blank,
for as long as I have known myself,
I have seen through the heart.

It's been there for quite some time now and I still can't figure out what it is. But it is there and it's getting stronger. Perhaps I feel so because deep down I WANT something to change. I want my life to take a new turn. I want to see and experience things I never have. Perhaps my dreams are guiding me. Perhaps I just want to fly.